Practice Makes Perfect
by MidnightHeir
Summary: Trying to live up to expectations can be difficult at the best of times. But whose are worse? Your father's? Or your own? Leonardo is simply doing the best he can ... he just doesn't know if it is enough.
1. Perfect

**Disclaimer – **I do not own TMNT, some lucky comic type guys.

**Disclaimer - **Nor do I own the lyrics to 'Perfect'. They are the property of the Maverick record label and come from the mind of the wonderful Alanis Morisette.

**A.N –** This is my take on the turtles at around the age of ten, it is also my take on why Leo may be so serious. As always please review, cos Lord knows I'm not gonna get any better without any pointers. The lyrics are in italics.

--

**Practice Makes Perfect**

_Sometimes is never quite enough_

The small metal light flashed green, "C'mon …" Leo yelled, speeding to the front of the pack. "We can make this one! I know it!" Training wasn't his favourite part of the day, but at least he could recognise the importance of doing it.

_If you're flawless, then you'll win my love_

The light flashed again, this time orange, to his right Donny stepped up the pace, even Mikey put in the extra effort, and they had been working towards this moment for the past three weeks.

_Don't forget to win first place_

Reaching the end of the lap first Leo span around and yelled at his slacking brother, "RAPH!" slowing to a walk the turtle stared at his brothers bunched up around the small marker. Watching it flash red he broke into a sprint to the finish.

_**BEEP **_

****

It looked for a moment as if he wouldn't make it, watching him cross the finishing line Mikey hit the button on top of the marker, cutting off the beep before it stopped. Falling around on the floor the four boys smiled, they had finally cracked level 9.

_Don't forget to keep that smile on your face_

"Master Splinter!" Leo turned to look to his sensei, smiling happily. Two sad brown eyes met his, discipline was something that came with time, he understood that, and now, at age 10, was the time that his children must learn it. "Again my sons."

_Be a good boy _

_Try a little harder  
_

The constant training and increased work load was taking its toll on them too. Leo turned back to see his father watching them all, studying the face carefully the eldest thought he saw disappointment there.

_You've got to measure up  
And make me prouder_

And that disappointment hurt him, they were trying. They all suffered when one fell behind, and celebrated when one of them succeeded in completing their relevant form. Turning towards the piece of gym equipment he resolved to make his father proud once again. Of all of them.

Hearing the three beeps, the intermittent flashing of the green light began. Gritting his teeth Leonardo began to jog down. From the kitchen the harsh whistle of the kettle screamed through the lair. From his vantage point the four brothers watched as Splinter left the dojo.

_How long before you screw it up_

"STAY AWAY FROM MIKEY!" Raph issued the challenge the moment he saw Master Splinter leave the room, breaking to the right, and far corner of the room.

"Stay away from Mikey!" Donny repeated, breaking to the left of his baby brother.

"No! W-we have to beat the beep!" Leo yelled, pausing midway up the length of the room. "Hurry up!"

How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up

Racing back Leonardo got behind Donny and began to push him up towards the machine, getting the picture, his brother relented and started to jog towards the finishing line.

_With everything I do for you  
The least you can do is keep quiet_

Abandoning Donny Leo raced after Mikey, "Stay away from me!" he chimed ducking away from his brother's frantic attempts to get a hold of him.

"Go Mikey!" Raph cheered, "Stay Away from Leo!"

Turning to face Leo the two circled each other, the eldest warily, the youngest in play. "Come on Mikey …" Leo begged, "We need to do this!"

_Be a good girl_

Watching the two play in the centre of the room was becoming far more interesting than loitering near the finishing post. Glancing towards each other, Donny and Raph wandered over to watch, blocking off any sorts of exit the two might try to make.

"No! You have to stay down there!" Leo told them, "We have to try harder!"

_You've gotta try a little harder_

The light that flashed in the back ground was not lost on the young leader. Watching it go from green to amber he turned back to his rebellious brother. Gritting his teeth he spread his arms wide and leapt at him, with a soft "Oomph!" the two crashed into the ground, Mikey playfully rolling away from the tangle of limbs and getting up to scramble away.

_That simply wasn't good enough  
To make us proud_

"Mikey, please!" From the floor he grabbed a hold of one of his legs, weighing it down Leo pulled him into the floor, before scrambling round to hold him in place. Looking back to the flashing amber light, he saw it flick to red. Wrapping his arms round Mikey's middle he began to pull him towards the line. His brother's flailing limbs and ecstatic giggles filling the room. _They could do this ... they would do this_

_I'll live for you_

"Leo!" Mikey whimpered, he didn't like this game anymore. It hurt, and with Leo yanking him along the floor by his upper chest he was having a hard time breathing. His playful giggles had stopped, "Leo!" he let out a tiny pained cry, "You're hurting me!"

_I'll make you what I never was  
If you're the best, then maybe so am I  
Compared to him compared to her  
I'm doing this for your own damn good_

_**BEEP **_

****

_You'll make up for what I blew  
What's the problem ...... why are you crying_

"Leo!" Watching their eldest brother and self appointed leader play the exact opposite of 'Stay Away From Mikey' was losing its appeal. The little turtle was beginning to visibly cry in pain as Leo dragged him towards the now beeping machine. "Leo!" Raph repeated his angry yell moving over to pull the two apart with Donny's help.

"It's alright Mikey …" cradling his little brother protectively Raph looked up at Leo with a look that shot daggers. "You went too far dude …" helping Mikey up he responded to his brother's weak watery smile with an almost gentle one of his own.

"We … we have to practice …" Leo continued quietly, staring at the red light and continuous beep with dismay.

"No Leo …" Donny piped in, watching Raph and Mikey head out, "We have to check on Mikey."

"Don …" he implored, his voice losing its practiced authority and steely determination. Biting down onto his lower lip to stop it shaking his eyes belied a vulnerability and sadness he didn't normally show.

_Be a good boy  
Push a little farther now _

"You made Mikey cry …" Donny repeated, a small degree of sadness lingering on his own features.

That wasn't fast enough  
To make us happy

"B- but …" Leo watched Donny walk out of the room in pursuit of his brothers. His visibly shaken features lingered on the door way before turning to the still squealing machine in the corner. How could they ever make his Father proud if they weren't prepared to practice? How could he earn his Father's love …

_We'll love you just the way you are if you're_

if he wasn't …

_perfect_

perfect?


	2. Growing Pains

**_A.N - _**The muse reawakens! There's a prize for anyone that can guess what's coming … Side note; this is approx. nine months after Practice Makes Perfect.

Song lyrics are in brackets and italics. If the mini turtles don't sound right, let me know!

--

_**Growing Pains**_

_(We'll love you just the way you are, if you're perfect.)_

In the empty dojo, alone and working hard. Biting down on his lip to stop it from trembling the little boy swung his sword blade with purpose and poise.

_(Be a good boy, push a little farther now)_

It was so cold this early in the morning; rolling his shoulders back in an attempt to prevent the building tension the eldest turtle slid his sword back into its sheath. Stretching his arms out to either side he glanced to the tiny alarm clock that sat on the floor. **5.42am**. Determined to win his father's support the young boy had been rising between the times of four and five every morning to train, his body showing the signs of his extended, dedicated workouts with sinewy muscles creeping out over his body and a thinning physique that struggled to keep up with the amount of punishment it was subjected to.

_(If you're flawless, then you'll win my love)_

Picking up the small alarm clock the little boy scanned the lair for signs of activity, with no signs of a hungry Michelangelo, or stirring Sensei he darted across the floor and back towards his bedroom, chewing nervously on the tip of his thumb during his journey. Climbing into bed, and sliding beneath the covers Leonardo placed his alarm clock back onto his side table and closed his eyes. Another successfully completed workout. Another step closer towards his Father's approval.

--

At precisely six am the lair sprang into life, a series of alarm clocks beeped throughout the enclosed sleeping area. With the aid of various weapons including a large bronze bell, and a plastic tube Mikey had got for his tenth birthday, pulling all of his brothers out of their beds. Climbing sleepily back out of bed Leonardo slipped out towards the bathroom, happily chewing on his thumb whilst he went.

_(Don't forget to win first place, Don't forget to keep that smile on your face)_

"Ged out o'there Mikey!"

Even Raph's foul mood couldn't upset Leonardo this morning. Leaning against the wall behind his brother he began to whistle quietly, carefully stretching his muscles once again in preparation for the morning run. Watching his brother hammer on the door once again he moved his thumb around in his mouth, knawing with more intent.

"Do you think that Michelangelo is attempting to miss morning exercise?" Smiling Splinter came to the firmly shut, quite possibly barricaded and most definitely locked bathroom door, to wrap upon it once with his stick. Behind the rat's back the remaining brothers shared varying expressions of amusement between themselves, now Mikey was going to get it.

"Michelangelo?"

"My tummy hurts!" the ten year old boy whined from the other side of the door.

"Then perhaps I should prepare some herb tea, and you can return to bed."

On the other side of the door the smallest turtle pulled a face, slowly opened it up and gave his Father a small reproachful look. "Nah … I'll go run …" he mithered, traipsing out of the room and following his brothers who dutifully walked towards the door.

When Leonardo and Donny had turned eleven, their Sensei had extended training sessions to include a three mile run in the tunnels of the sewers. The route had been argued over many times over breakfast, as had the times that it was expected to be completed in. Several times Mikey had run into the 'sewer monster', and paid for his intermittent tardiness or early returns with extra flips. There had even been times that Raph and Donny would cheat, opting to hide out in one of the side passages nearer the lair only to emerge when they saw their eldest brother pass to 'finish' with him. Out of the four of them Leo was the only one to take the run seriously, and complete it fully each morning. He was, as Raph was putting it turning into quite the 'kiss ass'.

"Begin!" lowering his arm Splinter watched his four children disappear out of the lair and into the sewer, smiling fondly as Mikey and Raph shoved at each other to escape the lair first. Shaking his head at their tomfoolery he returned to the kitchen, where he started to work on breakfast for his growing family.

----

_(Be a good boy, Try a little harder)_

His brother's didn't understand how their eldest brother did it. Whilst they struggled to get up to speed Leonardo seamlessly reached his top speed within the first two hundred metres, his posture like almost every other aspect of his character was erect and focussed, his arms held firmly to his side, each step on the hard, slimy concrete, firm and assured. His breaths came in and out fluidly, a direct contradiction to Raph whose strength by all accounts was beginning to emerge in weight training and fighting. Watching their brother pull out to the front, and steadily increase the distance between himself and his siblings pushed their own rivalry. Forget about keeping up with their brother, the three could barely keep pace with his shadow; the dark entity flickering up the far wall as he turned the corner, oblivious to the fact that he was now alone.

_(If you're the best, then maybe so am I)_

"Screw this …" drawing to a halt Raph rubbed the back of his legs and stared up the passageway they were supposed to be running up. "Let 'im do it." It didn't take much to get Mikey to agree, happily sneaking into the small alcove that Raph was content to secret himself away in until he saw his brother come back. Giving the now quiet passageway one final wistful glance Donny joined his brothers; he didn't like running alone anyway.

--

"How was the run?" Splinter asked all of his children as they flocked to the table, their small bodies and fast hands reaching out to grasp at the simple breakfast lying upon it. Well, all but one, sitting at his place, sipping from his glass of milk was Leonardo. When the frenzy was completed he leant in to take up some of the remnants before eyeing Master Splinter as he nursed his white porcelain mug.

Biting down onto his lower lip Leonardo finally spoke up, "Sensei?" his eyes lowered to the glass, where he swirled the white contents thoughtfully. Glancing up he put his glass down onto the battered wood, sucked in a deep breath and asked quickly. "Can – can I try some?" embarrassed he twiddled his thumbs in his lap.

Studying his white cup the rat smiled softly, "I must warn you Leonardo, it is an acquired taste." Never the less Splinter went to the cupboard where he retrieved a small handled mug for his eldest son, poured out a little of his Green Tea and handed it to the boy. "Be careful, it's going to be rather hot."

Taking the mug gratefully, Leonardo brought it to his lips and took a large mouthful. Other than the heat the taste was bitter and 'dirty'. Squeezing his eyes shut he twisted his head away from the cup and grimaced. Hearing Mikey snicker, and Raph flat out laugh at him he forced himself to swallow, opening his watering eyes to glare at his two mocking brothers. "I – I like it …" he announced quietly, turning to his Father in hope of getting a little more. Smiling warmly at his son the rat poured a little more for him, keeping his small smile of amusement to himself.

"Now, about this run. Does anyone have anything to say about it? Michelangelo? Were there any sewer monster's in residence today?" Getting a sheepish shake of his head and a glance away Splinter turned his attention to his other son's. When no one else stepped up to offer their thoughts on the routine runs they endured Leo did so, his voice softer and a little hoarse due to his scalded tongue "It was fine Sensei. Though I think it is getting a little too easy."

"Speak for yo'self …" Raph grumped from his place at the table.

"What Raph? It is! I could do that course twice over before you got back."

"Then why dontcha!" Raph snapped, his cheeks reddening. Sticking a slice of bread into his mouth he glared at Leo. With Master Splinter leaving the room to prepare the dojo for the rest of morning training Raphael leaned over to hiss into his brother's ear, "Kiss ass …"

--

"Donny, what's wrong?" Mikey paused by the wooden bench with his brother. Running a towel down over his neck the youngest followed his brother's line of vision, perplexed as to why he wore such a concerned look. The victim of his nervous stare was Leonardo, whilst the others had been perfectly content to stop their cardiovascular workout when Splinter had said so Leo had not. His feet continued to move up and down the wooden step in a fluid well practiced motion, his face focused on the task at hand.

"You don't think that is weird?" Donny whispered, careful to keep his voice low, and his expression neutral.

Pushing his brother playfully Mikey chuckled, "Aw shucks, I thought something was up." Donny turned to look at Mikey, his expression growing in confusion. The youngest turtle simply gave him a big grin, "That's just big bro being big bro…"


	3. One Last Breath

_pacphys_ – How badly is Leo going to take this? You have no idea, but I do hope you like it …

_spootycup_ – ask an' ye shall receive … yea, I findLeo kinda easy to write for …

_**One Last Breath**_

"_Please come now I think I'm falling  
I'm holding to all I think is safe"_

As time passed slowly by the turtles continued to grow and develop. Each of their personalities was carefully noted and nurtured by their increasingly busy Father, with daily scourages into the local scrap yard to deliver sufficient amounts of metal to an always questioning, ever wondering Donatello. It had surprised Splinter greatly to see his youngest boy take an active interest in the kitchen, steadily transforming himself from a little boy who had always relied on his position as baby to the self appointed cook. Even now as he observed his son chasing Raphael out of the room in order to prepare lunch … shaking his head in amusement he retreated to his own private dwelling. Raphael was another problem altogether, daily altercations with Leonardo for no other reason than he could were becoming tiresome and demoralising in the same instance. His young son desire to be alone took up a great deal of the rat's time as did soothing his temper and fear, he simply took it forgranted that his eldest son would be coping adequately.

In fact with his twelfth birthday rapidly approaching the boy was demonstrating impressive leadership qualities and a maturity beyond his years. He was the first to rise, and spent much of his free time either reading or studying Japanese culture or his kata's. It even impressed him how well he dealt with the pranks that his youngest was beginning to play with an irritatingly growing frequency. For all of his wisdom and knowledge the old rat simply did not take note of the two set of eyes that silently, and patiently studied him during training sessions. All of his boys were developing in such different ways, each complexion a little different in shade. Raphael was becoming naturally more stocky than his slight, quiet brother in purple. The natural athleticism that accompanied Mikey's enthusiasm shaping him into a rounded, hyperactive child. The fact that his eldest stood slightly taller, with sinewy muscles and toned body did not cause him undue concern, nor did his son's love of exercise.

Watching his children go about their daily business he slipped out of the lair to collect more metal for Donatello's growing interest in electronics.

--

It was a horrible habit to have developed, but it was one that wasn't going to go away any time fast. Slipping from his bedroom he made the dangerous journey from his serene, tastefully decorated bedroom to the dojo. Passing by his Father's quarters he paused in the doorway of the small room next to it. Presently it had very little in it, just to the right of the open entrance was a large welded structure that Donny had put together two weeks previously. His home made shelves stretched up towards the arcing grey ceiling, fastened to the wall with soldered pieces of iron. Across the open stone floor, directly opposite him was Donny's little workstation, another proud feat to his creative prowess. The metal legs supported a battered wooden top that had formerly been part of a store sign. Chewing on the tip of his thumb Leonardo watched Donatello battle away happily with reams of wires that had been brought in for him to experiment with and build things with.

"Donny …" he didn't move from the doorway, his casual tone matched by his casual stance. Sighing as he was ignored he called his brother's name once again. This time he got a response in the form of a quick wave, with a small roll of his eyes Leo walked into the room, squatting down in front of Don's excited face. Giving his thumb one last final nip before pulling it from the side of his mouth he took hold of his brother's wrists. "Donny!" Reluctantly his brother looked up from his work to answer the daily question with a guilty shrug and shy look away. "Breakfast." His tone became clipped, yet playful, "Go, I'll make sure you don't lose your place." Shaking his head in amusement he settled down onto his haunches, his right hand carefully taking a hold of the mass of wires that were handed over to him. With one task dealt with, his thumb went back into his mouth running along the tip of his teeth whilst he waited to be released from this part of the daily routine.

Returning with two unbuttered slices of bread and a glass of milk Donny put them down on the floor before sitting down next to him. "That's a bad habit." His comment was greeted with a small smile, "So is forgetting to eat. I'll be back in thirty minutes …" Leo continued lightly standing up and heading towards the dojo.

"Leo …" Donny's voice caught his attention. "Take it easy in there."

Dismissing the concern his brother voiced Leo did what he did best; he trained. Biting down onto his thumb with more force he slipped into the large wooden floored room chewing on the tip of it guiltily. Drawing the wooden swords from the wall he began to swing them quickly, his eyes narrowing and his focus inward. With each swing his muscles strained, his body tensing up despite his best efforts to keep it relaxed. Abandoning his work out he frowned, angrily chastising himself, He had no reason to feel guilty, it was just a little training session after all. Tension was an odd thing, and the way that Donny had spoken to him just worked the small ball into something larger, finally with his focus failing him he finally stopped. Sighing he ran his hand over his head before ducking out of the lair.

"I'm going out for a run …" he called loudly, not waiting around for another dose of guilt from Don, or ridicule from Raphael he disappeared out of the door...

--

"But you don't find it odd?" sitting on the sofa next to a lounging Raph he attempted to find someone who understood.

"Suckin' up? Leo?" Raph scoffed, balancing the imaginary scales he had made with the palm of his hands. Rolling his eyes he took another handful of potato chips. "They go t'gether betta than night an' day."

"But Sensei isn't here …" Donny pushed, "Whose going to know, other than us, that he is out running _again_?"

"Again?" Mikey came over to join his siblings on the sofa. "Man … I thought goin' out at 6 would be enough for _anyone._" Grabbing a handful of chips out of Raph's bag he chewed on them slowly, three sets of eyes curiously turning to read the time on the VCR. **11.12am**

"And he's not back yet." Donny concluded quietly.

"Yo' don't think 'es had an accident?" Raph muttered shifting slightly.

"Big bro?" Mikey wrinkled his nose, weighing up the possibility in his head with a small nodding motion. "Nah, not Leo." In his eyes his brother was like a God or something, he spent so much of his time copying their Dad that there was no way he'd get himself into trouble. It just wasn't his style. "Not his style …" he told them confidently rolling off the back of the sofa to head back towards the kitchen. "Pizza good for lunch?"

--

Damn Donny! Why had he had to go and make him feel so bad? Running for longer and far harder than he had intended meant that Leonardo was now tearing back through the passages of the sewer at a pace akin to a dead sprint.

Beads of sweat seeped through his pores, creeping up over his brow to crash down over his eyes ridges and soak into his blue bandanna. Reaching up a shaking, cramping arm he wiped the salty water from his eyes, gritting his teeth against the stabbing pain in his sides and throbbing that was developing behind his eyes … slowing his speed the eldest turtle slipped back into the lair as the scent of freshly cooked pizza wafted through it.

**12.49pm.** He'd been out for too long, and he knew it. Softening his steps he crept towards the bathroom, his teeth working with soundless determination on the side of his left thumb. Within stepping distance of the bathroom door his successful journey was undermined by his father's quiet voice.

"Leonardo, do you not intend joining your brothers for lunch?"

Pausing by the bathroom door, he smiled brightly, turning back round to face the patient expression the old rat wore. Pulling his thumb from his mouth he did his level best to hide the wave of shame that ran through him. By being late he had brought more disappointment down upon his brothers and himself. Again.

_(We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect)_

"I'm just going to have a shower Sensei."

Smiling, Splinter nodded his head towards his son, "I will tell Michelangelo to keep some pizza back for you. Do not be too long."

"I won't." Behind his back the digits of his left hand began to work fervently over his still damp thumb. Watching his father leave he slid into the bathroom, pushing the door to with the tip of his foot.

--

"Bro?" the steam from a still running shower greeted the great turtle explorer extraordinaire 'Mikey' Michelangelo. When Leo hadn't turned up at the dinner table after twenty minutes the waiting brother's had started to complain, when he still hadn't shown his face after another fifteen Mikey had jumped at the chance to grab him. It beat a hungry Raph grabbing and pummelling him. "Yo, big bro?" the hot water of the shower obscured his vision, and left the air misty and overly warm. Fanning his hand in front of his face the youngest of the four made out the silhouette of his brother standing over the small tin sink Dad had brought home from the scrap yard. "Man … someone's gonna be havin' cold showers tonight!" Out of all of them Leo usually acknowledged Mikey's jokes, even the bad ones. Pouting Mikey walked over to his brother's turned back, perching himself down on the tip of the metal tub they stood in when they showered. "Er … Leo …"

The sound of running water intermingled with fervent splashing greeted the direct call for attention. Now that the steam was starting to clear a little Mikey could see his brother's shivering arms, and judging by the way his arms jerked in circles and around the inside of the basin he didn't seem too interested in talking. Hauling his ass up with an exaggerated sigh he hopped round on one foot to turn off the tap, his curiosity piqued. "What's so cool?" Ducking his head down he caught not only his brother's eyes but his expression. He was biting down on his lower lip, his eyes focussed intently on the contents of the sink and the washing action he was engaged in. Behind the brown eyes was something Mikey wouldn't forget, his perfect, cool, and controlled brother looked scared. Following his brother's line of sight Mikey's eyes widened with terror. The diluted red that flooded the sink had to come from somewhere. And the only place that it could be was his brother. Splashing up and over the side of his brother's wrists, and then over his palms before being caught by the water and disappearing down into the sewage system of New York. He couldn't even see the wound …

"DAAAAD!" His scream of terror filled the lair.

----

To those reading my work, thanks for stopping by, to those reviewing thanks for giving me some of your time!  
Heir

PS; **_Disclaimer_** - _One Last Breath_ and its lyrics are the property and creative genius of the band Creed and their respective record label.


	4. Under Pressure

_PRfangirl -_ Hey there! Thanks for the compliment and review! Tis much appreciated, hope you like where it goes ...  
To_ bubblyshell22, pacphys and spootycup -_ Thanks for coming back and leaving ya comments. Hope to seeyo'all at the finishing line

**POTTY MOUTH WARNING; 1st and Last**

---

_**Under Pressure**_

_Pressure pushing down on me  
Pressing down on you no man ask for_

**Thirty five minutes earlier …**

Shutting the bathroom door he had walked towards the shower with the intention of joining his brothers for lunch. Turning the taps for the shower he had winced against the tightness that was creeping through his muscles before frowning at the red smudge left behind on the hot tap. Turning his left hand over he stared at the indented bite marks that littered the length of his thumb, some even extended down onto his palm. At some points his skin had come back slightly to reveal wound deep enough to leak a little blood.

Disturbed he turned his attention to the newly fitted sink, turning on the hot water, picking up the soap, and washing the blood away …

----

"Leo?" Part of Mikey didn't want to turn the water off, "Big bro?" he whimpered, unable to keep the fear out of his voice. "Please stop …"

"I can't …" a tiny voice whispered back.

----

"_DAAAAD!"_

Sitting at the table the rat stood immediately, "Wait here …" Splinter instructed softly, his order directly contradicted by Mikey's next fearful scream.

"RAPH!" There was a pause of a few seconds before a third cry echoed through, Mikey's pitch raising with his level of fear "DONNY!" As if one fearful shout hadn't been enough to guarantee the presence of Raph and Donny, two more simply made them hurry all the more after their Father.

--

Unable to turn off the water for fear of what he might see the terrified eleven year old stood to one side, his arms wrapped around his middle whilst he rocked back and forward. Feeding off his idolised brother's own distress he let out more whimpered pleas for his brother to stop. Each one greeted with a fearful admission that he could not. When Splinter didn't appear fast enough the little boy screamed for Raph, family protector extraordinaire, and then as if it only had only just occurred to him, he called for Donny. _Someone was gonna hafta wrap that up … _

"Michelangelo?" Splinter's attentions shifted upon entering the scene. In his line of sight he saw two agitated brothers, the turned back of his eldest which was tense and bowed, the stillness of his torso contradicted by the shaking of his shoulders, and he presumed arms. To the boy's right stood his youngest, hugging himself tightly, staring at the swirling water a mask of fear transposed upon his face.

"He can't stop …" he whispered quietly, his teeth slipping out to nip his lower lip. "He … he … can't stop …" he repeated, fearful tears finally welling up and sliding down his face.

Two shadows fell over Splinter's back, to flood the room and spread up over the far wall and distressed leader. Stepping into the room to let them past Splinter dealt with his youngest first. "Michel, come with me and you can tell me all about it." Sliding one arm around his scared son, he guided him from the room, and back into the lair proper, his son's voices echoing in his ears.

"Leo?" Donny moved round to stand in front of his unnervingly quiet, uncharacteristically distressed brother.

"Holy shit …" Raph breathed, his opinion immediately clear. Staring at the tainted water his stunned eyes rose to Donny's horrified expression. "'e made me d'it." He instantly defended.

"I can't stop!" he whispered, his right hand rubbing violently over the weeping wound that now stretched down the length of his left thumb and palm. "God Donny … I can't stop …"

"Sure yo'can …" Standing to one side Raph did his best to sound helpful, even supportive but his concerned brown eyes kept flickering to Donny to drop him some sort of clue.

"I've been trying to stop for the past thirty minutes!"

"It's okay …" Donny whispered staring at the red liquid for a few seconds. "It's going to be just fine Leo. Raph … "he paused, standing up to move close whilst giving his brother a pointed look, "Raph's going to hold your hands, and I'm … I'm just going to turn the taps off. Okay?"

For a second a look of sheer terror crossed over Leo's face, sniffing he finally nodded his head, his eyes flickering from the grotesque whirlpool to Raph's extending limbs. Raph's fingers flexed experimentally before reaching inwards to grasp the rapidly moving right hand at the base of the palm, tightening his grip he pulled upwards, gently at first before becoming increasingly more violent in his tug when his brother fought him. "Givvittup Leo …" Raph hissed, grimacing as his brother tried to desperately defend the self inflicted wound on his other hand. Jamming his thumb into the groove between the two bones he finally won the battle of wills, the sound of the splashing water fading away with each turn of the tap Donny administered. A second hand slid into the basin to take care of the injured hand. Placing his own hand firmly over the top of it, Donny pressed down on it with the flat of his palm, smiling weakly.

"See, tha' wasn't so bad wassit?" Raph's attempts at restraining his eldest brother seemed to have paid off, his eyes returned to his other for some sort of tip as to what to do next. Now that the water wasn't present to wash away the blood it welled up and over the sides of Donatello's clasped hand, and that was starting to freak him out.

"Raphael?" still holding Leo's right arm like an idiot Raph twisted round to see his Dad standing there with a fresh blanket to hand. "Michel is asking for you." Relieved to be released from his part in this sick play Raph ducked out of the room to entertain, and comfort his brother.

----

It stung worse than Mikey's ElectroPen but Leo grinned and bore it. Wrapped in the thick black blanket, he sat at the kitchen table, his left hand palm up on the wooden table. Sprawled around his still bleeding limb were countless packets of medicines, traditional and new. Bags of herbs lay half open, their contents being mixed up into all sorts of potions and brews by his Father whilst Donny sat with a book of First Aid techniques on his lap and a cloth soaked with Detol in his hand. Dabbing it down onto the wound for what felt like the hundredth time, the young turtle flicked the page, his eyes anxiously scanning down the page for routines on how to dress, and then wrap the wound.

This was Donatello's first attempt at treating an open wound outside of the bruises and scrapes won in the dojo during training. Looking up from the book his hand left the smelly, brown stained cloth and began to rummage in the green plastic box that contained his meagre First Aid supplies.

"Put your hand into the air Leonardo …" Splinter told his son calmly. His own hands busy with a pestle and mortar. Meekly Leo obeyed his father's instruction, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. He sounded so angry and disappointed, and so he should be, as leader he should have never lost his self control so. His eyes lowered to the wooden table in order to hide from the concerned, careful observation he was subjected to.

"Is this right?" from his place at the table Donny held up a roll of white bandage and a cotton dressing pad. Receiving a nod from his Dad Donatello pulled his chair closer, placed the scissors necessary to cut the material down onto the table and prepared himself to wrap the wound. Pressing the cotton dressing down hard, Donny's head kept returning to the open book, his eyes scanning two or three lines ahead before returning to the task at hand, meticulously wrapping a gaping wound 'textbook'. Satisfied with his efforts, Donny stepped back from the table, in all ten minutes spent on it, his knot less than perfect, but perfectly adequate.

"An excellent job." Splinter congratulated his son, "How does it feel Leonardo?"

Flexing his remaining fingers he gave a muted nod. "It's fine. Perfect." He gave his brother a small smile, the bitterness that came with such an admission lingering shamefully in the back of his head.

"You are still shaking." Approaching his son from behind the old rat touched Leonardo's shoulder, his concerned expression lost. Releasing his grip he pulled back the chair, thus allowing his child to stand. Climbing down Leo retreated within the folds of the dark material, his head held low. "Are you aware of what caused this?"

Slowly Leonardo shook his head, "It won't happen again Master Splinter."

Unconvinced Splinter chose to reassure his son's quiet statement, "Of course it won't."

And in doing so, the pressure he had unwittingly placed upon his eldest increased ten fold. He had let his family down, and there was nothing he could do about that except work hard. _Push farther._ "Can … can I go now? I need to apologise to Mikey."

"I would prefer it if you rested." Responding to his son's heartfelt silent plea he continued, "There is much that needs to be dealt with, and I believe that a short nap would aid you no end Leonardo."

"But …" his mind reeled for words, "But I'm not tired, and … it was just a small cut and … Donny's wrapped it up real good!" His words were having little effect upon his Father's decision. "Please …" his voice cracked slightly, "Please don't punish me."

"I feel I have pushed you too hard my Son." Splinter soothed, surprised that his eldest would link nap-time with punishment such as had been the case during their earliest years. "This is not a time out."

"Leo …" Donny interjected quietly, "Your body _is_ still shaking. And it _could_ be your body's way of telling you it's tired out." Upon receiving his brother's confused look, he continued quietly, "I, I can show you the book it's in if you like?" Twiddling his thumbs in front of his stomach he waited for a response.

The feeling of being 'ganged up on' was horrible. Admitting defeat perhaps even worse. "No Donny, if you say so I'll believe you." Looking up at his father one last time he conceded quietly, "I'll go to bed."

Hearing the sound of his bedroom door click dutifully shut Splinter turned to his other son, "Call your brothers, I believe a family meeting is in order."

----

Leonardo was surprised to discover that Donny was correct. Nestling beneath the covers of his bed, the warmth of the sheets seeped into his muscles and quickly lulled him into a fitful sleep. However what began as an unsettled nap quietened itself as his carefully bandaged hand, and thumb worked its way around the pillow and into his partially opened mouth.

Clamping down around it he sucked on it quietly, his troubled expression sliding into one of peace.

---

**Disclaimer -** Under Pressure is the property of Queen and their record label. Wish I could say I owned it, would really help me with paying my bills!


	5. Try

_bubblyshell22 -_ What makes ya think I'm done yet? What happened in Under Pressure is more of a precursor of something else ...  
_Dory's Human Replica_ and _Lenniluvsbrian -_ Hey there! Always nice to see new faces! Confused or curious, just ask! hope you like where I take this ...  
_tbreader -_ Did you get it on the second read through? IfI'm confusing readers I'd really like to knowso I can fix it.Other than that, hey, thanks for stopping by, and I'm hoping you like it!

------

_**Try**_

_Then I see you standing there  
Wanting more from me  
And all I can do is try_

The meeting was an informal affair, held in the living room. Mikey stayed close to Raph finding comfort in the guarding arm that was fixed protectively over his small shoulders. Donny perched at the far end of the sofa, his legs folded under him, though Raph kept his feet up on the low table between the sofa and the television. Out of the three of them he was posturing the most, keeping his face and his poise strong and defiant, inside he was a little scared but he wasn't going to go all sissy on his brothers. Donny didn't seem particularly scared, rather shocked, his penchant for thinking things over too much freaking him out a little.

Sitting in the sole arm chair was their father. The large wicker piece of furniture was out of place with the rest of the décor, but it fitted in with their father's temperament and personality. The worn blue cushions swallowed his slight figure, the high back of the chair towering over his furry head. His walking stick lay to the side of the chair, whilst they watched their father knit his fingers together, his timeless black-brown eyes carefully studying his remaining charges. For the first time in his life as a father Splinter was unsure what to make of Leonardo's break from character. As much as it shamed him he knew that in order to solve this problem he needed to turn to his children, his own knowledge of his eldest child woefully lacking.

"A wise man knows when to turn to others for help." He began quietly, "Are any of you aware of any thing that could have caused such a break in character in your brother?"

"He trains an awful lot." It was like admitting a guilty secret, Donny quiet nervous voice only adding to the sense that he was betraying his brother's confidence.

"Yea, but tha's just what 'e does …" Raph pointed out callously. "An yo'don't see me freakin' out." He added, referring to his own dedication to the small weights that had been brought home.

"Raphael." Splinter chastised his son, turning to Donatello to continue.

"He ran twice today." Mikey piped up, his attention coming to the conversation for a moment before wandering away once again. "But big bro likes runnin'"

"After spending forever in the dojo." Donny pointed out.

Listening to the comments Splinter considered the options presented to him, "In which case it appears that Leonardo is over exerting himself. As such we shall have to look into methods of reigning in his levels of exercise."

"Kissin' ass is Leo's territory …" Raph growled, staring at his father defiantly. To either side both of his brothers shifted uneasily. Leo could be almost as stubborn as Raph when he wanted to be. If he didn't want to slow down in his training there would be very little that they would be able to do about it.

Sighing, Splinter nodded his head, his eyes meeting and staring down his needy son. "Which is why we must apply cunning." He did not appear particularly happy with using guile but his own mind was made settling down upon a plan, and it was one he intended to implement to full effect. "Raphael and Michelangelo you are going to take responsibility for curving your brother's love of running." Raising his hand to bat away Raphael's furious glare he explained himself fully, "Gaining great strength is all well and good Raphael, but without the stamina to support your power you shall be a scale out of balance. If you are asked you may tell him that I want your stamina to improve, and to improve dramatically. Shorten the length of his trip and bring him in early."

"I am NUT kissin' Leo's ass!" Raph yelled, his relaxed extended arm tightening about Mikey's shoulders whilst his free hand balled into a fist to slam down onto the arm of the sofa.

"Dude …" whining and squirming under his brother's grasp Mikey broke free to hug a cushion instead. "Runnin's borin' … can't I do somethin' else?"

"There are days I do not know how to curve your tireless energy Michelangelo. We must all do things that we do not take great pleasure in." Splinter made the point of directing the point to his simmering brother as well as the pouting, partially hiding Mickey. "And with some luck running will aid your focus in other exercises and hopefully settle you by bedtime."

"What about me?" Don joined the conversation once again, grinning slightly at the failure of Mikey's pouting and puppy dog act. "I want to help too."

It took a long time for Splinter to find something for Donatello to do. The rat had noted during sparring matches his quiet son's reluctance to fully engage him self in battle, with the result often being a battered, retiring turtle early on. "I would like you to spar with your brother more." Seeing Donny's awkward expression, and shift in weight he explained his decision as best he could, "I respect your decision to not engage in needless violence Donatello, but you must be capable of defending yourself. Talk to your brother and let him know that I would like him to demonstrate how to act without needless waste of energy or life." Pressing his lips together into a thin line Donny considered his options, and then for his brother's recovery he gave a small nod.

"But I don't have to do anything vicious do I?" he checked quietly.

"No."

A smile spread on his face, "Okay and I can go running with Leo too?"

"Yes."

Happy with his charge Donny unfolded himself off the sofa, helping his father to his feet before retreating into his laboratory. Climbing up onto the back of a rickety wooden chair he put away his first aid kit and book, before pulling down a children's medical journal type thing. Dragging the chair over to his workstation he started to read.

----

"Yo' hungry or so'ethin'?" by the time that Leonardo had got up it was nearing dinner time. Trying to creep towards the dojo didn't work since Raphael and Mikey were sitting in front of the small television, the controls of their Megadrive resting against the tops of their knees. Frowning at Raph's odd comment Leo looked at him, when he raised his hand and wriggled his left thumb with the fingertips of his right hand. Rolling his eyes as Leo finally realised he was knawing on his wrapped thumb he didn't quite expect him to draw it out, stare at it like it was the devil and then announce, "Right …" letting out a small sigh he ran his hands down his sides, glancing around slightly uneasily "I'm going out for a run."

From the lab Donny raised his head from the book he was engrossed in. Frowning at the statement he stood up and came into the lair proper, his worried look obscured behind Leo's turned back. Watching Leo walk purposefully to the sewer his eyes flickered to Raph desperately.

"Yo! Leo wait up!" standing up he tossed the controller at the fearfully, mute Mikey. Answering the wary, questioning stare he shrugged and pulled out his sai tossing them down onto the sofa, "Dad thinks I'm a scale outta balance or so'ethin' …"

"Okay …" confused now he slipped into the inky darkness with his brother.

"That's the third time today …"

Relieved Donny came over to take Raph's place at the console, flicking the pause off the game he answered Mikey with a quiet, "I know."

----

In the privacy of his own quarters their father's reflective meditation was interrupted. In the pit of his stomach a ball of nervous energy began to rise up and consume him. Rising with ease from his bamboo mat the old rat crept through the shadows of his room to see his eldest son announce his desire to run. Watching Raphael stand after a few tense seconds he smiled slightly, pleased to see his reluctant son shoulder some responsibility. However as they slipped into the labyrinth of sewer tunnels he couldn't help but feel there was something he was missing in his son's behaviour.

---

**_Disclaimer -_** Try is the property of Nelly Furtardo and the record company who were smart enough to sign her. If anyone knows where I can find anything that resembles her talent please leave a message after the beep ...


	6. My Vietnam

_bubblyshell22 -_ Nah, it's okay ... but do let me know if you think I'm taking it too far. As for Raph and Leo ... they don't have that mutual understanding/respect yet.

--

_**My Vietnam**_

_What do you want from me?  
__What am I not giving you?  
__What can I do for you to make me OK in your eyes?_

"God Raph!"

Raphael and Leonardo were back. Trudging into the lair Mikey couldn't help but giggle over his dinner. The two were covered in mud and slime, each of them clearly at some point having been subjected to a dunking in the stinky water the sewers of New York had to offer. "Why do you have to be so immature?"

In response Raph grabbed his sais and tucked them away, "Why do yo'think I left these behind?!" waving the pieces of metal in front of his brother's face he waited for a reply. "I knew goin' out wit' yo'would be a crappy idea!"

"Well if you hate me so much, you can keep your opinions to yourself and not bother coming along next time!" Leo yelled back at him, heading to the kitchen to get a bottle of water, whilst Raph went towards the showers to clean up.

"He didn't mean that did he?" Mikey whispered into Donny's ear.

"I'm sure he didn't. You know what Raph and Leo get like if they spend too much time together." Donny reassured him quietly, sticking his fork into the limp vegetables Mikey had attempted to steam.

"Hey Leo …" re-emerging from the sleeping area, Raph held up one of his sai's carefully wrapping his fingers around the hilt, his thumb held it in place. Turning his hand round he effectively flicked him the bird. "Look what I can do!"

"Oh! BITE ME RAPH!" Leo yelled back, filling his plate with food and glowering at him.

"Don't need t'do it do I? Yo'got that down?!" Storming back into the darkness the sound of a slamming bathroom door ended the conversation.

Devouring his food, Leo let out a long sigh, glancing up at his brother's concerned expressions with a small smile. Helping himself to a mug of Green Tea he shrugged at their questioning faces. Finally, with a roll of his eyes he explained to them exactly how they had both ended up covered in gunk. Smelly gunk, which was ruining dinner, at that. "Complained _every_ step of the way. First I was going too fast, then it was too slow, then I didn't have my head exactly 90 degrees to the floor, then my feet were falling too hard, or my arms weren't swinging right." He let out a second heavier sigh. "In the end I just came back, and then just before we got back in, he tried to over take me, make out that he had been ahead all along. Pushed me out of the way didn't he? So I shoved back … and he stopped and shoved me _again_, anyway we both ended up falling into the pool at the interchange."

Mikey snickered quietly into his milk, shaking his head Donny pushed another spoonful of the bland food into his mouth. "Woulda paid to see that big bro!"

"I'm glad it amused _someone_. I'm going to go back out later, don't tell Master Splinter though, I don't want him to worry about this." In his heart of hearts Leo didn't want his father to be hurt by his inability to maintain his self control. Two and a half years of dedicated training ruined in two impulsive moments. Chastising himself silently he maintained his façade with an easy smile. Smiling at his brothers he walked off to the shower, the sound of Raph's slamming bedroom door telling him it was safe enough to go clean up.


	7. Nobody's Home

_pacphys_ – Welcome back! Hope the tests weren't too hard. I've got a weird favour to ask ya. I know ya reading Swordfish and being a Donnie fan if I rework his chapter could I email it to you to check it over? Please let me know … As I said before … Raph and Leo get on? Nah … they'd need to actually have a conversation for that to happen … And as for the 'bird', they've got three fingers right? Just drop the thumb and the pinkie and the desired effect is achieved! laughs

_LenniluvsBrian_ – Chill doll, there be things a'coming that will set all to right.

**_A.N –_** Weird moment ahoy … the italics are a flashback to Donny's thirteenth birthday. It is intermingled with Donny's 'current' realisations. If it reads funny, or makes no sense lemme know!

_**Nobody's Home**_

_Stay strong, stay strong now,  
__Too many, too many problems  
__Doesn't know where she belongs  
__Where she belongs …_

Something was up; his daily running program, in fact every aspect of his dedicated pursuit of perfection had been interrupted by his brothers. Every time Donny sparred with him, or Mikey joined him at six in the morning at the front of the pack Leo's guilt at the way he was leading his life peaked. And that in turn manifested in the nervous attacks upon his poor left thumb. Down the side of his digit, stretching the length was a wavy milk-green scar, and despite the panic attack that had wrought it he still bit down onto it with terrifying regularity. In order to combat this aspect of his behaviour Leo decided to alter his training, with his early morning sessions in the dojo undiscovered and thus undisturbed he continued to rise early to train. As time passed on he began to rise earlier and earlier to combine his running and his kata's together, it was not that he didn't enjoy Mikey's company when they ran together, even Raph's moody bitching was helping him out, he just didn't want his brothers to see him struggle for his father's attentions. Without his brother's almost continuous vocal criticisms during the dojo or when out running he would remain average. And that would not win his father's love, no, in order to do that he needed to be perfect, and in his own little way Raph was contributing towards that goal.

Over the past nine months many things had happened, with the passage of Donny's thirteenth birthday a real computer had come into the lair. By the time Mikey's had come around it was fully functioning with a dial up internet connection. The introduction of the wider world through the computer took up even more of Donny's time; his eating habits were in danger of becoming horribly erratic if it wasn't for Leonardo's gentle reminders to get something to eat. His careful attention to detail saw that Donny also slept in his bed instead of his laboratory.

And in turn Donny was able to watch over his own brother, at first it didn't occur to him that Leo would appear in the early hours to shake him awake and pack him off to bed with a small smile and friendly hug. It was just part of his brother's nature after all. Wasn't it?

It had been a couple of weeks after his thirteenth before it finally hit him;

_**September 18th ; 00.39am**_

"_Happy birthday Don!" Leo was getting good at creeping round, and with a pleasant smile on his face he came in to the lab to hand him a small wrapped box. "I hope you like it!"_

At the time Donny didn't think it was that weird having his brother come out to see him. Except that he had been doing it almost every morning for as long as he had started taking refuge in his world of electronics and thick books. Thinking about it he realised that even his hands had been colder than his own skin when they had hugged. The only way that was scientifically possible would be if he was sick, or had been up longer.

"_Well?" Hopping up onto his workspace he waited to see his brother's expression. His left hand fell into the spotlight of the table lamp, a series of small cuts littering the entire palm._

"_Your hand …"_

"_Your present!" Leo had moved his hand out of the light, his idly swinging legs marred by more than just shadows. Frowning at the bruises present Leo laughed at him._

"_C'mon Don! It's twenty to one and we have to get up at six." _

Leo had been up too. It was the only logical explanation. The bruises that covered his legs, and the small cuts on his hands were in keeping with working with his best katana's. At first Donny said nothing, if he was wrong he didn't need to aggravate Leo's fading habit of chewing on his thumb, but as the days continued to tick over he couldn't help but notice his brother's change in character. Sparring with Leonardo was becoming easy, without trying he was finding holes in his brother's defences, and the way he held his shoulders rolled forward and his blades dipped indicated a level of tiredness that even Leo with his self discipline and practiced control couldn't hide forever.

--

"Yo' got a death wish?!" Raph couldn't believe it, his strength was his greatest asset, but against his sword wielding brother it rarely did him any favours. Rolling to the right Leo nearly fell onto the low sharp tip of his brother's sai. Whipping his hand out of the way, Raph managed in turning his weapon round, narrowly missing severing his own finger tips off in his pursuit to not slash his brother's femoral artery open. "Bloody idiot …"

"Leonardo!" their father was shocked at his sloppiness. Coming over to his son, the knot in his stomach welled up, his furry hand extending to his shaking child. Taking his hand firmly in his own Splinter helped Leonardo stand up.

"I'm sorry Master Splinter." He whispered softly, "It won't happen again …" It was at that moment that Donny decided the time had come to talk to his focussed brother.

"You are dismissed my Son."

Staring at his father unhappily he moved off, his footsteps dragging along the wooden floor, as his thumb found its way into his mouth. He had failed; all of his hard work had been destroyed. His own father dismissing _him_ from practice. Sniffing quietly he slipped out of the lair, pushing himself into the longest, most gruelling run he had ever been on …

----

**_Disclaimer –_** _My Vietnam_ lyrics are the property of P!nk and Arista records. (Shoulds put that in the last chapter!) _Nobody's Home_ is the property of Avril Lavinge and her record label.

**_A.N –_** I am gonna be gone from Dec 17th – Dec 27th …. So with no computer access I'm afraid all of my tales will be going on a ten day hiatus.


	8. I'll Stand By You

**You are not going to believe this folks! I missed a chapter out during my pre-Xmas blitz. This is the one you missed, sorry to mess you all around. I'm not sure what is going to happen to any of the reviews that have been posted for subsequent chapters, but in the event they vanish, thanks for the kind words.**

_**I'll Stand By You**_

_Oh, why you look so sad?  
Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now …_

It was nearing late afternoon by the time he returned to the lair. He had been running for so long that his legs had filled with lactic acid, and the balls of his feet, calloused with the hard training he put them through had split under the cold concrete to reveal horrible blisters and sores. Gritting his teeth and fixing the features on his face into a calm, collected mask he limped into his home. His calm façade marred by the thumb he sucked feverishly.

Waiting for him inside the lair was his family. Seated in his wooden chair his father turned two piercing dark eyes onto his son. On the sofa sat his brothers, a small reproachful look upon Donny's face a direct contradiction to the unbridled hate that clouded Raphael's face. The look of sheer adoration that Mikey used to reserve for him had been replaced with a quick, fearful, peek, before he returned to the nunchakas he was playing with on his lap. Rooted to the spot he continued to run his thumb along the inside of his gums, his nail scraping away invisible bits of dirt from his tooth enamel. Twisting the digit around in his mouth he slowly pulled it out with a loud **pop **

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice steady and level. Any hint at his crushing disappointment experienced earlier negated by the long run.

"I believe you are troubled my Son." Splinter responded warmly, moving his hand from his open lap he tapped his chest lightly, "I can feel it deep within my soul."

Leonardo's wide eyes looked at his father, before turning towards his brothers. Donny looked so ashamed, just like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Raph was the only one to stare him down, his brown eyes burning angrily going on to narrow when he responded. For the little relief it afforded him Mikey's face lit up into a happy smile when he denied any undue problems.

"It is rare for you to make such errors in practice."

Slipping his thumb back into his mouth, Leonardo thought his father's statement over. "I know. I didn't sleep well last night Sensei." Seemed like a nice safe response, and it was not a lie either, due to his 4am start he had only succeeded in taking a three hour nap in between packing Don off to bed and getting up to train.

"Donatello believes you may have been rising early to practice." Splinter pointed out gently, when his son opened his mouth to counter the accurate claim; the rat raised a dusty brown paw to halt him. "If this is the case I would like to be told why."

_I want to make you proud_,presented with the opportunity to lift a large weight from his shoulders Leonardo faltered. Staring at the gathered faces he realised that he couldn't do it. Admitting he was competing for a place in his father's heart would only stir up resentment between his brothers. This time it was easier to tell another half lie, "I like to train …" he mumbled over the ridge of a thumb that was back in his mouth and pushing against the side of his cheek.

"And do you rise earlier than your brothers to do so?" Seeking clarification, Splinter nodded his head once when his son gave a guilty response in the affirmative. "I would like this to stop …" seeing his son squirm beneath the collective glare of his family Splinter turned his head to his other children, "So I will allow you to train more during the day. Your health cannot be put in danger by these hidden sessions Leonardo. Do you understand my request?"

"Yes Sensei." Leonardo murmured quietly, his eyes falling onto the stone floor to study the lay of the bricks intently.

"And your brothers shall continue to train with you should you chose to indulge in any late night activities."

"Oh! N'way!" Raph erupted; his opinion of his brother had never been particularly high, but going out to run with him hadn't done it any favours. "No way!" he repeated loudly, "Not a snowball's chance in Hell!" kicking the table before the sofa hard he folded his arms and glared at the far wall. He wasn't doing it, he wasn't, he wasn't … _he was **not**_ … "No way, I'm nut kissin' no more 'leaders' ass!"

"Raphael! This is not something that is open for debate."

Leo kept his opinion to himself, waiting for his father to leave the room before telling him exactly what he thought on the matter. Out of all his brothers Raphael was the one that he was yet to fully understand. Other than stubborn streaks a mile wide and bladed weapons the two had little common ground. His brother spent much of his time looking out for Mikey and to a lesser degree Donny, all of which Leo was eternally grateful for. But it didn't help their own relationship (or his pursuit of self control) that Raph took so much pleasure in winding him up. Glowering at him, he told him bluntly, "I don't have many desires to spend my time with _you_ either …" watching his brother get up and storm off he turned his attention to Mikey and Don. _Why did Donny have to go and tell? _His lips pressed into a thin line. _Why did Donny have to so smart?_

"Big bro?" Mikey asked quietly, the chain of his nunchaka rattling whilst he played with it. "Ya really alright?" He didn't seem particularly convinced, his fear at his brother's freak-show the previous year still fresh in his mind.

"I'm fine Mikey …" he repeated the lie again. "And it's not like I don't appreciate the company when I _do_ train. It's just I like it a real lot and you don't." Limping over he squatted down in front of the 'baby' of the family. Seeing the horrified expression on his face he glanced back, his stomach turning at the bloody smears on the floor, "Mike …" capturing his brother attention again he grinned, "I cut my feet on some glass, but I'm sure Don can fix it up real good."

"Really?" Convincing Mikey that everything was good was harder than it had been a year ago.

"Really really …" Donny chipped in, leaning over to give him a small hug. Getting up he helped Leo into his lab so they could fix his feet up. But despite his relieved expression when he learned that Leo wasn't mad at him for telling Dad about his midnight escapades he couldn't help but share Mikey's concern. Leo wasn't just tiring himself out anymore by training excessively, he was getting obsessed with it.

--

Splinter returned to his private quarters, but despite his son's words he couldn't reconcile it with the feeling in his gut. His son was lying to him, and that troubled him deeply.


	9. Breathe No More

_**Breathe No More**_

_Lie to me, convince me that I've been sick forever  
__And all of this will make sense when I get better._

As Mikey like to put it Leonardo had been 'busted', as such he put a lot of effort into sticking to the rules that he now had to live with. If it brought him closer to his father and could make up for his shortcomings then he would do it. No matter how much it bothered him to not be allowed to go out and train as and when he pleased, it didn't matter that it returned him to his nightmarish dependency upon his thumb to deal with the guilt that came with the extra ten minutes that he would spend warming up or down. He would do it, because that was what a 'perfect' son would do. As the weeks crawled by it turned out that abiding by the rules was not as simple as Leonardo had first hoped. The leanness he had enjoyed throughout his youth, coupled with the sinewy muscles began to disappear, his stomach filling out now that he wasn't allowed to work out after lunch, and along with it the gauntness of his shoulder blades and collarbone began to fade beneath a layer of fat and relaxing muscle. His unhappiness at his new, au naturale body shape wasn't helped much by Mikey's light-hearted jibes about his weight, nor Raph's more blunt "Fat-ass" comments.

It was a horrible thing to do, abusing his father's trust and breaking his word, but Leonardo did it. Two months had passed and Christmas was nearing. In the back of his drawer he had his gifts bought and wrapped, but standing to one side whilst his Father added another hole to his belt physically repulsed him. Smiling weakly at his Sensei when he was given the piece of long brown leather he wrapped it around his middle.

"Does it fit now?" Splinter had spent ten minutes carefully measuring the space between the holes before drilling a hole through with a hammer and pin.

"It's fine." Leonardo admitted, fiddling with the tip of the material. Already in the back of his head he knew he would be out running at some point in the night. He didn't want to be on the fifth hole of his clothes, and the anxiety it brought, brought his thumb to his mouth to idly flick his lower lip.

--

**2am**

Running again had felt good, hearing his feet slap against the slick grey ground brought a smile to his lips. Feeling _his_ air slide through _his _lungs was comforting, the peppering of moisture that began to form on the top of his head, not that he minded, it meant he was working out. His heart thumped against his rib cage as he pressed himself onwards towards the lair, coated in a comforting shroud of black. No one needed to know about his midnight foray into the sewers, and he could continue training once again in a few hours time knowing he had done something to stop the deterioration of his body.

But his plan wasn't as perfect as he thought it would be, between the entrance to the dojo, and the darkened pit that marked the entrance to the bedrooms was a light. _Donny_ Slowing his pace Leonardo shook his head slightly, glancing at the time on the VCR his amused expression grew, 2.13am. _Crazy _Knocking on the metal rim that supported the dirty red bricked walls he came in to join his brother. Locating Donny wasn't difficult; perched in front of his beloved computer his fingers skimming over the keyboard whilst his eyes remained focussed intently on the screen.

"Leo!" Despite his brother's eyes remaining on the screen whilst he continued to type, he was able to successfully identify his brother.

"I'm making that much noise now?" he joked lightly in response.

One hand flickered up off the keyboard to point towards the screen, "Reflection brother. We all have one of those." Turning his head around to offer him a grin he invited him in, the long purple tails of his bandanna flicking out from his head before dropping tiredly down towards the floor. "Plus, you're the only one who knocks. Raph just sorta barges in."

"Raph?" frowning Leo came over from the door way, what had Raph got to do with anything? Donny was a bad liar, and with his eyes focussed back on his work, his head turned away, the way he was biting his lower lip, bending down he looked at the floor he could see his brother's right leg bouncing up and down nervously, the heel of his foot slapping the shaded ground every few seconds. "What's he done now?"

"Nothing" As soon as he had said it, Donny knew he had said it way too quickly and way too brightly for it to be merely 'nothing'. Truth be told Donny didn't want his guilty little secret, but thanks to one too many late nights he had bore witness to Raph's first return from the surface. Whatever Raph had been doing up there had left him with some nasty cuts and bruised knuckles, and with an 'ask no questions, get no lies' policy in place Donny had wrapped them, and seen him to bed. Well, it was more accurate to say they'd seen each other to bed, but that was being pedantic. In the glare of the computer screen he watched Leo come over, his 'serious' game face on. Cracking his knuckles he placed one hand onto each shoulder, applying literal pressure to compliment the psychological one. "Donny … what's Raph doing?"

"Nothing you haven't been doing before now!" Biting down on his lip, he looked up to meet his brother's eye in the actively flashing glass surface that comprised his computer screen. "That sounded wrong." Pushing away from the terminal, he turned himself around on his chair. "Anyway, I've got good news."

Leo's good mood was starting to evaporate; Raph was muscling in on _his_ brother now. He had been taking up time with _his_ father for years now but this was beginning to take things too far. And so, as familiar sensations of anxiety began to churn he turned to his thumb for comfort. "Really?"

Don's expression altered slightly as he watched his brother's age old habit start up again, "Really really." Standing up he walked briskly over to a stack of printed papers. "I was at this website called , and I typed in your symptoms."

The chewing stopped, in fact everything stopped, with his thumb still lodged firmly into the side of his mouth Leo's relaxed expression twisted into a frown. "You what?"

Confused slightly Donny repeated his statement. "I went to a site on line and typed in your symptoms."

"But Don, I'm not sick."

His teeth bit down onto the inside of his mouth, pressing his lips into a thin line. Letting out a held breath through his nose he tried again. "Look, I'm not an idiot when it comes to this sort of stuff. I've been doing an awful lot of reading around and with the way you've been acting and the physical symptoms …"

"The way I've been acting? What have you been doing Donny, you've been spying on me?!" What had initially started out as confusion began to turn into anger. Eyes widening with disgust he turn around, "I did come through to tell you it's after 2, but since you've got Raph coming through to do that at some point and if you're just going to insult me I'll go to bed."

"The obsession with working out. The over reliance on your thumb, the panic attack in the bathroom." Determined to get his brother to listen to him Donny began to reel off things as they came to him.

"PANIC ATTACK?" turning back round he stared at Donny for a long time, taking in deep shuddering breaths. When he spoke again his voice had returned to a more normal level. "Even if that was a panic attack, it was a long time ago." Having pulled his thumb from his mouth he pushed it firmly back in again, his jaw working in soundless circles upon it. Studying his brother in turn, Donny noted the vulnerability had returned. In his eyes Leonardo was begging Donny to stop, his body language losing its defiant posture as the seconds ticked by.

Picking up the stack of papers Donny began to read from the top sheet, '_Persons who have this condition find themselves repeating certain behaviours or thoughts again and again and again and again. They know the repetition is unnecessary, but are unable to stop themselves_'" Pausing in his reading he looked up at his brother, his eyes pleading with him to listen.

"Donny," Leo repeated in a fiercely determined whisper, "I'm fine."

"Physically yes, mentally I'm not so sure. Just hear me out, and if this doesn't sound like you, you can tell me so, _'Afflicted individuals usually experience severe anxiety if unable to complete their rituals,'_ That's the training right? You've been much happier when you can train; we all know it's true."

"I am NOT sick Donatello!" his respitery rate was increasing whilst he chewed on his thumb repeatedly now. His bites were becoming deeper and more driven, the bitter taste of iron flooding his mouth, his thumb no longer the sole victim of his furore. Clamping down onto his knuckle he felt a lump of skin loosen itself from his hand, and yet he knew that even if he wanted to he couldn't stop it "I can't be!"

It was like history repeating itself once again. Watching his brother starting to shake, he stared fearfully at the blood that oozed out from the side of his partially open mouth. "Leo …" Donny's voice softened significantly, "It's okay … I mean …" his hand shook, the sheets of paper rustling and rattling off one another as he tried to reason with his eldest brother. "It … it's something that we can cure."

Leonardo retreated from Donny once again, taking a handful of clumsy steps away from his smarter sibling. "I'm not sick …" he repeated, fear climbing into his voice. **_"I'M NOT SICK DONNY!"_**

--

Beneath the muslin and burning incense their father stirred. The swirling bleakness in the pit of his stomach spread through every fibre of his being, as it pressed on the tips of his nerves the hackles on the back of his neck raised. Muscles tensed until finally Splinter woke up. Even before he had fully gained full faculty of his senses he knew something was gravely wrong, frowning he pulled his red robe about his frail body and rose.

--

"**_LEO PLEASE!"_** Donny cried back at his brother, fearful at his inability to make him understand his plight. Seeing him hurt like this, hurt him too.

Shaking he continued to back away from Donatello, his eyes widening even more as he felt the cold steel of his brother's homemade shelving unit. His hands hovered around his head, bite marks littering the length and breadth of his left palm as he clung onto it tighter and tighter. Disturbing lengths of wires and half completed machinery, he hid from his brother's as best he could in the shadows the metallic structure afforded him. "No …" blinking, tears fell peaked in his glassy eyes. Abandoning the sheaf of papers he held Donny came over to him, "Please …" his thinner, paler arms reaching out to try and take his brother's hands from him. "You're hurting yourself." Grasping his right arm he pulled it away from Leo's face giving him a small smile. "We … _I_ can get you through this."

"NO!" Jerking backwards he knocked the lurking machinery away from his head, the action causing the metal to cut deep into his forearm. Disturbing all of the metal caused it to crash down around their heads and onto the floor. For a moment the two stopped talking, waiting to see if it disturbed anyone else. Two grotesque statues froze in the half dark, both eyes fearfully that they would wake the sleeping occupants within the lair.

----

"Raph?" clutching to his Blankie Mikey knocked on his big brother's door quietly. There had been a real loud noise a couple of seconds a go and it had scared him. No one was supposed to be in the lair. And it was awful big and dark right now. "Raphie?" he whispered again, entering into Raph's sacred space. No one went into big brother's room without an invite. "Didya hear that?" Getting no response from the silhouetted body he crept over, poking the squishy shape with his finger. Pouting in surprise he pulled it back to reveal the pillow. Confused, he wrapped Mr Blankie round one hand, before picking up the pillow in his other hand … man Dad was gonna get mad …

----

"What the Hell is goin' on?"

Raphael's surly expression and cold eyes were enough to cut through the heavy atmosphere. With his arms folded he slouched in the shaded doorway, his thick muscles tensing beneath his taut expression. In the skewered light he could make out the disbelieving critical expression on Leonardo's face, and the fearful one on Donny's. Instinctively and dismissively he turned on his superior, "Whateva yo'got on Donny stoppit."

"Raph?" Donny called to his other brother, "You've got it wrong." Scrambling about on the floor he collected up the disregarded papers, "Leo, well … he's sick." Hurrying over to him he tried to give his brother the papers to look at. Ignoring the papers Raphael turned his attention back to Leonardo. He looked … freaked, in a washin' ya hands raw in the bathroom sorta way. Shifting uneasily in the doorway he looked towards Splinter's quarters, "I'm gettin' Dad." Though with the racket that had just ran through the entire area he wasn't sure how in Hell anyone coulda missed it.

"No!" A spectator to his perfectly ordered world crashing down around him Leo shifted under the reflected glare from the metallic monster behind him. "I AM FINE!" he pressed his point home, though the shaking that wracked his body coupled with the distress in his tone wasn't fooling anyone. Biting down onto his hand he walked out of the room, "And they'll be no more talk on this!" hovering in the doorway he looked purposefully at Donny, "Do you understand me? NO MORE!"

It should have bothered him more, seeing Leo like this but Raph wasn't prepared to let things rest, not if it was going to bug Donny. One glance at Donny's face, along with the fact he was going to follow after him made him act. "NO!" Grabbing him by the arm he tugged him round and in doing so forced his hand from his mouth, a splattering of blood flicking out over his chest and his brother's face that finally bugged Raph enough to make him act. "O'ly place yo'goin' is t'see Dad." Fighting for his freedom he was dragged one painful step at a time towards the other end of the lair.

"GET OFF OF ME RAPH!"

Behind them a second light illuminated the lair, behind the muslin that hung before the entrance to his quarters Splinter's silhouette became clear. The distress that Leonardo was actively displaying flooding through his body.

"Yo'gone soft in the head Leo?!" Despite his brother's unhealthy gait Leo sure as Hell had one heck of a counter tug. Raph's grip on his wrists tightened as he tugged at him once again, "Huh? Not happy yo'gone and scared Mikey sh!tless yo' out t'get Donny too?"

"I'm not sick! I'm not! I can't be! I'm fine …" cold realisation flooded through him, 'fine' people didn't do this. For a moment he stopped fighting Raphael and his brother succeeded in dragging him forward a number of painful paces. "Donny! Tell me I'm fine!"

"Leonardo?" the muslin drew back to flood the lair fully, the bright light striking everyone in the room. In the back of his head he was able to register the genuine concern his father was expressing, but with it came an overwhelming sense of failure.

"Tell me I'm fine …"


	10. Lost

_**Lost**_

_The distance grows, I'm sinking down  
And what I lost, it can't be found  
Although I try  
Can't find my way  
Nothing is falling into place_

"_Tell me I'm fine …" _two eyes moved from his brother's angry expression to his father's face. "I'm not ill …" his voice became so soft, so incredibly lost, the expression on his face altering to match his tone. "I can't be …"

Time stood still for a few seconds; Leonardo stopped fighting with Raphael and simply stood there, his shadow stretching up and over the sofa. With his quiet admission his head tilted downwards, the room falling into a deafening silence as all stared at the guilty party. In the additional light Raph was able to see the red that marred his brother's lips and left hand from his self inflicted terrifying attack on himself. It sickened him.

"Those cuts need attention." Taking control of the situation, Raph was more than happy to release Leonardo into his Sensei's care. Relaxing his tight, vice-like grip he had to brace his arms as the legs of his brother stopped supporting their own weight. Despite Leo's unexpected collapse his upper torso remained erect as he crashed sideways towards the hard stone floor.

"Leo?!" Raph's eyes locked on the little-boy-lost expression that coated his features, the vacant expression and utter lack of comprehension would haunt his dreams for weeks afterwards. Catching Leo as best he could, his brother's dead weight dragged him downwards to a painful thud onto the floor, _"LEO!?"_ in his peripheral vision Raph saw Donny's terrified expression and registered his horrified cry of surprise. His father came to his son's aid from the left. Shaking him violently Raphael screamed his name once again, before turning his wrath onto Donny.

"**_LEO!_** Dammit Donny, what did you do? **_WHAT DID YOU DO?"_**

"Leonardo!"

"I didn't do anything … I – I … didn't mean to do anything!"

"Didn't mean to? Well that is great t'know isn't it?! Cos it don't matta what yo'meant t'do, or nut do cos guess what Donny? YO'DAMN WELL DONE SOMETHING!"

"It … it was an accident …"

----

"Big bro?" no one had noticed the youngest of the family emerge from the bedroom area armed with Mr Blankie and Raph's pillow. They didn't hear his fearful whimper whilst Raph yelled and screamed at Donny. As Donny's lower lip began to quiver under Raphael's angry explosion and demand for rationale, so did Mikey's. His big brother was gone … his perfect, super-cool, big brother was sitting in the middle of the living room floor and not even telling Raph to shut up for making Donny cry. The longer he watched the more horrible the truth felt, he … he wasn't doing anything, his brother; _his_ big brother was gone …

----

"AN ACC'DENT?!" Raph yelled at him, "JEEZ DONNY I GUESS THAT MAKES IT ALL BETTA THEN COS I'D HATA SEE WHAT YO'DO WHEN YO'WANT T'DO SOME GODDAMN DAMAGE!?"

Leonardo could hear their voices, feel them shaking him violently and stroking him gently. It drove him deeper within himself. His eyes never left the small space that lay in the middle of nowhere.

"Leonardo?" Splinter knelt before his son, his hands cupping the boy's slack jaw. "Come back to me my Son." One hand moved to wipe some of the drying blood from his mouth, "Come home." His eyes sought for a sign of life from his boy's glassy eyes only to be greeted with a heart-breaking vacancy. Turning his attention from his eldest son Splinter addressed his still lingering children, "There is nothing to be achieved by staying up. Go join your brother in bed."

"'e might wake up in a second …"

"Raphael, please!"

Observing their father's distressed plea the two moved silently away. "Yo'want me t'move him?"

"No Raphael, I want you to go to bed." Splinter paused, sensing Donatello's desire to apologise he added firmly, "This is no ones fault. And I shall hear no such recriminations." His eyes flickered from one son to the other, his attentions returning to his catatonic son only after Raphael gave a small nod. "Leave us in peace." Their father's tone softened some more, "Please."


	11. Everybody Knows

**_A.N – _**Didn't quite go with the chapter previously, so I've separated it out. Hence the 'blink and you miss it' length.

_**Everybody Knows**_

_Everybody knows that the war is over  
Everybody knows the good guys lost_

"Mikey! Someone has to tell Mikey …" Donny whispered, wiping away tears from his eyes. Having been subjected to the full brunt of Raphael's temper he wondered how Leo must put up with it, and feared his words might provoke a second attack.

"No they don't."

"What are you talking about Raph? We can't hi-"

Raph stepped to one side, his hands gesturing towards the lurking shadow, and shaking green pillow that lingered at the far end of the living area. "Oh no…" Sniffing Donny wiped his cheeks one last time before dredging up a weak smile, explaining this was going to be hard.

"Hey Mikey …" Raph's voice softened as he came nearer, "Aw, yo'nabbed my pillow." Picking it up off the floor he swung it round to the back of his neck, shouldering it there he slipped his hand round Mikey's shaking shoulder. "'ey Donny! Mikey's got cold!" The number of times that Mikey had been teased for clinging on to Mr Blankie past the age of eight was countless, but at that moment of time Raph's careful, joking about the way he wound it round his hand again and again made him smile a little.

Mikey had never done stubborn very well, but he tried his hand at it now. Refusing to move he looked from Raph's face to Donny's and then back again. "Whut's happened?" he whispered quietly, pressing his back against the stone wall, his lips tilting down into a small pout.

"Nuthin' much …" Raph spoke up before Donny could. "Leo's jus' … nappin'."

Mikey bit down onto his lower lip, a sign that he didn't really believe his brother. "Then why ya yell at Donny?"

"I … I wasn't yellin' …" Raph tried, "much."

"Ya yelled real loud …"

Raph and Don shared a nervous glance, looked like Mikey had seen a whole lot more than they really wanted to tell. "Donny …"

"I wanna see …"

"There's not much to see Mike. Leo's sorta hiding right now, I think." Donny paused, he would read up on it later. "I _know_ I scared him an awful lot you see, so he hid."

Pressing his lips into a thin line Mikey thought things over, before nodding his head in agreement. "But he'll be back by Christmas?"

"Fer sure …" Raph cut in over Don.


	12. Paper Flowers

**_A.N - _**I've combined Paper Flowers with the chapter that came after it in the hopes of sorting out any confusion as to what was going on with Leo and Splinter. I hope this makes sense now, and once again to any and all, there is a little bit of a backtrack, I forgot to post up the chapter 'I'll Stand By You'.

_**Paper Flowers**_

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge  
__The nightmare I built my own world to escape_

The lair was far too quiet; returning from a run Leonardo looked around the open dark space. The air hung thick in the only place he had called home. Not that it unduly bothered him, in many ways he found it comforting. Walking through the room he glanced around. _Where was everyone?_

He started his sweep of the lair with the laboratory. "Donny?"

He wasn't there, which meant something was wrong; Donny was never out of his laboratory. Only last week he had joked about it being his second home he spent so much time there. _A safe place within a cocoon_.

Irritated he turned his attention to the kitchen, crossing the shaded world with its mute tones to step up into the kitchen area. "Mikey!"

Silence greeted him.

"Hey, Mikey!" he repeated the call for his youngest brother when he didn't get a response. Despite the warm air in the kitchen the oven wasn't on, nor was the small electrical heater that Mikey clung to. "Mikey?" he repeated the call quietly, biting down onto his lip whilst he continued to look around. _This is stupid_

Leaving the kitchen Leo made his next port of call in the dojo, intense scrutiny of the dummy transformed his unease into worry. Raph regularly trashed the stupid thing and yet here it was perfect. Pulling open the arm he studied the straw that he pulled out, not a strand of it was broken or twisted. What the Hell had Raph been doing if he hadn't been doing it in here? Dropping it on the floor he hurried out of the room, something was wrong and the only person he could think of to solve this mystery was his father. Jumping over the stone steps and onto the hardened, grey floor he called to his dad, "Master Splinter?" With such odd things occurring Leo gave little thought at the inappropriateness of entering his Sensei's dwellings without prior arrangement. Climbing up the stairs to his father's private quarters he stopped abruptly on the brink.

Beyond the hanging yellow muslin was nothing. Nothing but a large dark expanse that stretched outwards in all directions. "Father?" he called, trying to sound calm and authoritive. Despite the stretching void there was no echo, rather worryingly there was no anything.

"DAD!" he screamed at the open space, backing away from the doorway he instinctively went for his thumb. Biting down onto it he stumbled towards the sofa, raw fear flooding him for the first time in his life. Reaching his destination he curled up on it his eyes flickering round the room before resting upon the television. For a few seconds he stared at the television screen, television was good, it was calming … it was safe. Reliable. Reaching for the remote control he flicked the machine on, only to be confronted with silent static. Climbing up he walked over, his hand thudding on the top of the small plastic shell numerous times to no avail.

The taste of iron flooded his mouth; pulling his hand from his mouth he stared at the gaping wound that was beginning to leak red in horrific cascades. Jamming his left hand under his right armpit he hurried towards the entrance to his home, he would go on a run, and when he came back everything _would_ be back to normal. Again he reached the outer limits of the lair to only be confronted by the same chilling darkness once more. Tentatively he reached his foot out to feel for the reassuring cold that came from the concrete he knew should be underfoot. Instead of getting the comfort he sought his limb was swallowed by the inky darkness, his foot and leg sinking down into nothing. From within the oppressively comforting calm that surrounded him in the lair movement and disquiet began to stir.

Turning round his eyes widened as the darkness that hung eerily around the ceiling, the same darkness that denied him his opportunity to escape and lurked in his father's quarters began to grow and shift. Tendrils of shadow extended down along the walls consuming the perfectly preserved, neatly laid out lair in a rush of coldness beyond his control. With animal instinct it manipulated itself across all visible surfaces, snaking and extending in calming waves that rippled along the walls. This wasn't right, this was not how things were supposed to be … in his heart Leonardo knew this to be so. Backing away from the invasion, Leonardo instinctively heading towards his room. All the while the dark continued to flow out, pulsating from his father's quarters to consume all that lay in its path. Having consumed the items that lay in Leonardo's perfectly formed world the dark halted its determined, persistent approach leaving behind an area coated in a shroud of black that clung there like the web of a spider.

"_Leonardo?"_

If his thumb acted as a comforter, his bedroom was his sanctuary. Slamming the door Leonardo leant his back against it, struggling to take deep breaths to calm his alert, horribly sensitive nerves. As the scent of lavender crept through the cracks in the door to tickle his nostrils he reached for the bolt. Pushing the sleek steel into place he returned to biting down onto his hand, his right ear pressed against the door straining to hear where the intruder was.

_From within his quarters the faded, translucent rat emerged. With a gentle popping sound he made the transition from the material world to the astral, his eyes scanning the twisted darkened world for signs of his lost son. Opening his mouth he whispered for his child, the gentle plea lost in a distressingly empty world._

"_Leonardo?" it was a tiring exercise, and one that the rat had little experience in. From the folds of his robe he pulled out a single white candle, placing it down onto the ground, he held one hand over it focussing intently until it caught flame. "A beacon to light your way home." He whispered to the void that crawled about his feet, angrily protesting his unwanted presence. _

Closing his eyes he leant his head up against the smooth wood, letting out a final long sigh … with the unexpected invasion each of his muscles had tensed, but now a comforting numbness and calm returned to flood his body. His mind was playing tricks on him with the unwanted, uninvited sound of his family. Sliding down onto the floor he drew his legs up to his chest, before resting his head onto his raised knees. Wrapping his arms around his legs he calmed himself with a series of deep breaths.

It was over.

---

Splinter's closed eyes creased slightly, his deep breaths becoming lighter and lighter as he trawled his way back into the real world and his own body. The hands that rested upon his bent knees instinctively twitched, followed by the innate tension that came to a body that was awakening and preparing to become active.

Sitting on a mat before a burning white candle, the incense that hung in the air spiced it with the scent of lavender, the small circle of crystals that surrounded him catching the flames from the candle and reflecting them onto torso. In the shadow of the dojo, two patiently waiting boys lingered. Hugging Mr Blankie in his right hand Mikey had regressed to the point where he had started sucking on his own thumb. His head tilted to one side watching his dad carefully, being greeted with a weary expression that gave away nothing. Pulling his thumb from his mouth he hurried forward with a plate of Christmas Cookies, sitting down he held the plate out, eager to hear the news.

"Whad did he say?" he asked quietly, his eyes shining brightly.

Taking a biscuit Splinter took a small bite, holding a hand up to silence the persistent questions that would surely pour forth. "Your culinary skills are improving Michel." Leaning forward he blew out the white candle, before eating a little more food. "Fetch me some tea please."

"Yea, but whad did he say?" for once Mikey wasn't going to be simply fobbed off with compliments or another task."

"Michelangelo, do as you are asked please." He repeated, his tone becoming harsher.

Pouting Mikey stood to do as he was bidden. Pausing midway in his trip to the kitchen he turned back to his Dad for clarification on Raphael's promise, "But he will be back for Christmas?"

"Fetch me my tea please."

Disheartened he slipped out, leaving Splinter behind with Donny. Over the past ten days he had been hiding from his family the most. It hurt Splinter to see his son hiding away in a book or behind a broken piece of machinery but there was little he could do to reassure him at this moment in time. Until he could reach Leonardo it seemed that there was very little anyone could do to restore Donatello's shaken confidence.

----

Donatello had read in one of his books that talking to a catatonic patient was the best way to help them, and so from time to time he slipped in to tell him about his day, and his discoveries. But guilt, and it seemed fear kept him from staying for any more than a few minutes at a time when he did visit. When asked he would respond with a nervous shrug and tiny smile.

Raphael's reaction had been completely different to that of his brothers. Whilst Mikey had returned to the bad habits of his youth by sucking his thumb and carrying around his comfort blanket, Raphael had grown brazen and angry. With his son lost to him Raphael's demand for reassurance and attention had fallen to the way side in many respects, and this in turn had seen a marked deterioration in his desire to interact with his siblings. The most painful consequence being his point blank refusal to spend any time with Leonardo whist he lay on his bed, in a room he had always kept clinically clean. For the most part Splinter spent his time talking to and stimulating Leonardo's nervous system using both modern and traditional techniques.

And it was simply not enough.

However it was Mikey who spent the most time with his brother, having discovered that he could make his brother's body move he often repositioned it in funny ways for his own amusement. He had found a new playmate, a living doll if Splinter willed it, whom he fed and after a week of no response even began to exercise …

"_What are you doing Michel?"_

"_We're runnin' …" sitting on the end of the bed, Mikey held onto both calves and moved the limbs in a circular motion. "I'm winnin' …"_

_Placing the candles, incense and warm water down, Splinter had taken his place upon the floor, his expression one of sheer curiosity. _

"_Cuz big bro likes runnin'_"

Of course Michelangelo's innocent reply had made him smile at the time, and since his 'game' staved off the muscle stiffness that came with an underused body he allowed it to continue on a daily basis.

With all of his physical options failing him the old warrior turned to persistence, reading and talking to his child about the old culture of Japan, and the hopes he had for the future. But despite it all it felt in the old bones of the rat that he had failed one of his children, and failed him badly.


	13. Time After Time

_**Lunar-Ninja –**Where_ is this going? Well, next chapter you will get ya answer! But for now I'll clarify by saying that Leo didn't handle being less than perfect particularly well. (ducks Iwansei! Screams) Iwansei, get down damn you! GET HER OFF ME! (And as for the other bit, I'm a lil sister, its impossible to offend me!)

**_Phoenix Red Lion_** – As I have said many times before, Raph and Leo don't have their understanding yet … but trust me it is coming, and Raph does have some good reasons for being this extreme. And they will make it to their teen years, they are all 13/4 with the exception of Mikey who has yet to have his birthday! (sticks her tongue out)

**_Sassy –_** **_THANK YOU SO MUCH_** for calling this incredible. YOU ARE **_TOO_** KIND! That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said.

To everyone else, thanks for sticking it out this far, we're into the home stretch! Also, there is a timeleap in the middle of this ...

---

_**Time After Time**_

_After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray  
Watching through windows—you're wondering if I'm OK  
_

Life in the lair was different now; the comfort that had come with being alone was no longer comforting to the young boy. Day after day events from his past had come up to routinely haunt him. It would commence first thing in the morning with the stinging beep of the Bleep machine, and it did not matter where Leonardo went to hide, the sound would always reach him, never stopping until he paid it due respect. Today when he walked into the room the machine didn't stop its noise. Slouching in the door frame he watched the memory, watched his brothers run riot whilst their Father stood metres from him on the raised platform.

"Again!"

That single word struck deeper and stung longer than anything else he had ever endured in the dojo. Shifting his weight around, Leonardo slipped his thumb into his mouth as his brothers began to play the fool once again. He watched in silence as his Father vanished from the scene, the darkness of the walls coming smoothly forward to drown him. The darkness didn't bother him so much now, in fact the longer he had spent with these memories the more welcome the darkness, and its ability to smother indiscriminately had become. It was like his personal safety blanket, an ally in his daily routine with the past.

"It started then."

Jumping he turned around, the small turtle that confronted him causing him to frown.

"Mikey?"

The youngest turtle pushed past his brother to watch him self start to cry.

"Mikey, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here. You have to go home."

"You scared me."

"What? No, I … I made you cry."

"Shhh …" the youngest turtle brought a finger to his mouth, his head cocking to one side, his eyes turned upwards to the lair's roof. "Can you hear it?"

Leo could indeed, but instead he shook his head. He had grown used to the silence long ago, but recently there had been whispers, and banging. Sometimes, in the middle of the night Leonardo had woken up with muscle cramps and stinging pains in his arms and legs. It contributed to the fear, the fear that his world was dying. Darkness continued to swirl around the memory, a sign that it was coming to an end, and that he would soon have to move onto the next moment in his life.

"You're lying. You've been able to hear it for a while."

"No!" Leo poured scorn on his brother's words.

Mikey smiled at him, "I know your secret!" he sang playfully into his brother's ear. "You want to go home."

"I _am _home." Leo hissed at his brother pulling away from the boy in jerky motion that trapped him in the curve of the door way. His thumb was no longer giving him the comfort he sought, so he resorted to wrapping his arms around his middle. "And you're _not_ Mikey. You can't be."

The youngest turtle shrugged slightly, his gaze returning to the end of the scene. His shrewd brown eyes watching Donny walk towards them before disappearing into a dark pool of black that lay in wait. Slowly his head began to move up and down, "Definitely then." Turning to look at him, he offered him a brief smile. "Right then."

Reaching out Leo grabbed a hold of the turtle's arm. "Who are you?"

"Company."

----

Christmas had been a desolate affair. On Christmas morning Mikey had bounded out of bed and ran straight into his brother's bedroom, only to be confronted by a glassy eyed mute. Throughout the entire morning he had watched over his brother, playing games with him, and even going so far as to put a paper hat on him at lunchtime.

As the day had dragged onwards Mikey slowly began to realise that he had been lied to. His brother wasn't going to be joining them for the opening of presents, nor was he going to be eating his share of the Christmas log at supper. He wasn't going to be present for the afternoon movie, and he wasn't going to witness the annual 'annoy Raph' with Christmas tunes before bed time. In short he wasn't going to be coming home for Christmas. And that was a crushing blow to the baby of the family.

Resting his head against Leonardo's erected torso on the sofa he pulled his brother's arm over his shoulder, and with the sound of 'Santa Claus Is Coming To Town' ringing in the background, he began to cry. Without Mr Blankie for company he wrapped the blue material around his hand and wedged that and his hand into his mouth.

That Christmas, Raphael got mad for real. Master Splinter took Mikey into his private quarters in an attempt to distract him from the truth. But distractions didn't work the way they used to, and so with much reluctance their Father had finally allowed Mikey in with the tinsel and leftover Christmas decorations. And for a few hours he had been happy again. When he had completed his room of art he had re-emerged, a wide smile, and glitter stuck on his face.

"Where's big bro?" Mikey's voice raised in pitch at the prospect of him moved himself.

"In 'is room. I moved him off th'sofa so I could catch the film." Raph eyes didn't leave the screen, his closed posture making it clear that he wasn't going to have this conversation.

"Whydya do that?"

"He was in th'way Mikey."

"No he was not!"

"The prick was in th'way. I moved 'im outta th'way. What do yo'want me t'say? Offer 'im popcorn, or perhaps I could make out I'm racin' wit'him!?"

"Stop it!"

"Then stop kiddin' yo'self! Leo is gone. G'bye, see ya later, gone. Not lost, not on holiday, not hidin' out. He's gone, and it looks like I'm the only one smart enough t'see it."

"Raphael!" Raph didn't need a second warning, tearing the paper hat off his head he stormed into his room, signalling his early bedtime with the violent slamming of his door.

-----

Upon finding the white candle Leonardo had blown it out. It had been so pure, so warm, bringing it to his nose he had been able to capture the scent of lavender and rosemary. At the time he had been disgusted by the scent, and terrified by its lifelike realism. That had felt like a life time ago.

Now he sat crossed leg on his bed, the wax cylinder lying on the bed before him. After the incident with Michelangelo Leonardo had gone back to spending his days alone, the boy he had spoken to had seemed very much like his brother on the surface, but it hadn't been. He had been too calm, too clinical in his manner of conversation, in short it had been a shell, a stunted form of a brother he was growing to miss, yet didn't seem to be parted from.

"…_Everything that you thought I would be has fallen apart right in front of you ..."_

His eyes shot up to the closed bedroom door. The tendrils of darkness that spread up over the walls, tendrils that moved with a soothingly smooth wavelike motion grew tight and snapped to attention. Frowning in concentration he tried to remember whether or not he had locked the door.

"_Leo?"_

His muscles tightened, and his eyes narrowed. He had heard that, something was calling his name. _No!_ Turning his head to one side he focussed on one of the rigid tendrils, forcing it to relax and move to the door the black mass obediently slid the steel bolt into place. Closing his eyes he let out a long sigh. That had been too close. His ordeal with the Mikey clone was taking its toll on his psyche that was all. Inhaling deeply through his nose he let it out through his mouth, the deep breaths calming him down, his tense muscles relaxing as the incoherent mutterings faded away. So why did something feel so wrong?

It was the scent again. Slowly he opened one eye warily, his entire body tensing up once more as he stared at the small glowing orange flame that flickered before him. Tentatively he extended his fingers forward, the warmth of the flame lacking, as he passed his fingers through the orange glowing gas time and again. Reaching out with his other hand he picked up the candle, his eyes never leaving the dancing colours as he brought it up to his lips to blow out the only light in his perfectly ordered world.

-----

"Leo?" Donny's frown faltered for a second, his head tipping to one side to stare at his brother's passive face. It was a trick of the light, it had to be. Reaching out slowly he ran one finger along his brother's cheek, keen to smooth out the small lines of worry that were marring his face. For a second he had been certain that he had seen his brother's eyes light with confusion, but now he wasn't so sure.

"Raph! Turn the music down!" he yelled at the shut bedroom door before turning his attention back to his other brother.

"Come on Leo …" he whispered quietly. "I know you're still in there."

-------

The shadows were swirling again, and his cheek itched. Bringing up one hand his own fingers ran over the same area that Donny's hand had laid moments earlier. His world didn't feel particularly safe anymore; and that could mean only one thing. It was being disturbed once again; invaded. The walls were altering from their perfectly assembled picture perfect arrangement, breathing hard, Leonardo drew his knees up to his chest, his eyes seeking out meaning in the shadows. Moving around he thought he spotted something he knew, but it wasn't correct. It wasn't perfect. "No …" he turned away from the movement, and buried his head into his knees. "This is wrong … wrong …"

As if to agree with him, more sound broke through into his world; _"… know_

_I may end up … just like me … someone … in you …"_

-----

"…And I know I may end up failing too but you were just like me with someone disappointed in you …"

"Raphael." Opening the door to his son's room Splinter dealt with his most rebellious child first. Silhouetted against the hallway light, Splinter's keen eyes watched the turtle lean over and turn down the volume on his newly acquired CD. "Thank you." Pulling the door to, he went to his other problem son's bedside.

"Donatello. Go to bed."

Watching his son leave the room, he trusted the quiet turtle to do as he was bidden. Sighing Splinter began his night time ritual. Starting with his son's legs he gently pressed each pressure point, his action enabling the successful blood flow to the extremities. Next he ran his hands over his son's arms …

--------

"…_And I know I may end up failing too but you were just like me with someone disappointed in you …"_

A distant echo that was what it was. The shadows were reaching out and running their smooth tendrils along his arms. "Go away …" he whispered quietly, his voice lacking the force necessary to back up the order. In the past he had been able to avoid this sort of unwanted attention. But tonight, even in his own room he was being disturbed. Something cupped his head and it moved from side to side against his own will. Stretching his body out fear began to burn in the pit of his stomach. He knew what the problem was, the ghost was back.

In the shadows he saw his Father's face, two tired eyes that looked so soulless. _So lost_. Tilting his head to one side, he saw him turn his head towards something else and say something. The words lost to his ears. "You were just like me with someone disappointed in you?" he repeated the screeching sound that infected his world so many nights in a row. Spinning round on the side of the bed he leant forwards, his expression curious, whilst his hands clutched the side of the bed tightly. Shaking his head he looked around the world he had lived in for so long. The world he had made into his home, the world that played by his rules before turning back to the ghostly image. A small smile spread on his lips, the ghost, and the guilt it stirred, had gone. _All is as it should be …_

Chuckling softly he leant backwards on the lip of his bed, all was well. Licking his lips he leant backwards slightly, his toes wriggling idly. Of his own accord, as he wished it to be. Standing up he walked towards the door, the darkness that had always been a comfort and a confidant coming up to block his path. Frowning he stared at the slick tarry like mass, staring at it intently it finally moved out of the way and allowed him to reach his door. Unlocking the bolt he pulled the door open to be confronted by the wall of darkness once again. Confused Leonardo reached out slowly, his hand touching the bulk, suddenly it, and he, didn't feel safe anymore. Upon contact the cold uncalculating mass rippled the sleek motions causing a shiver to creep up his spine, _Just like a stone on the surface of a lake,_ with drawing his hand from the surface he focussed his attention on making it move. And it quivered, pressing his lips into a firm line he continued to focus his attention, and the longer he did so, the more violent the quivering became before cascading through the open door in one smooth motion. Striking the young boy and carrying him backwards. Terrified he pulled at the tendrils that were trying to pin him to his bed, finding to his horror that as he threw away one arm another would come in its place. "Get off me!" he hissed his eyes wide with fear at the realisation that he would lose the battle coming to pass.

"It's time."

He couldn't move his legs, the shadows crept up behind him to wrap around his torso and chest, securing their grasp they dragged him backwards into the mattress. "Time? Time for what?"

Mikey stood to one side, he lacked the colour from his previous incarnation, now nothing more than a facsimile made up of the same darkness that now sought to imprison him. "You know." The boy told him quietly. "You've known for a while."

"No … no I don't! Tell me Mikey!" He couldn't move his body, though his fingers clawed across the bed covers as foreign warmth began to spread through his body. To his horror, shortly afterwards paralysis manifested. "Mikey … tell me!"

"What are you so afraid of?" The shadow-Mikey walked over, a friendly smile on his face. "This is it, time to swallow the pill. Red or blue, now_ that_ is the question … " a finger laid on his lips, followed by the gentle finger of the ghost running over both of his eyes and along his forehead towards his temples. "Shhh … Gotta book." Winking he disappeared into the shifting darkness that was spreading and shifting uncontrollably all over the room. Everything was fading to black, everything … Leonardo's eyes locked onto the white candle that still floated on the floor, the only thing other than the bed that wasn't being swallowed by the shadows. Focussing on it he watched the wick flicker back into life, the small flame burning, and despite the chaos that was swallowing his mind, remained so.

"_Goodnight my Son."_

Goodnight? Goodnight?! What was going on? Panic stricken he tried to move his limbs once again, only to find them locked in place on the bed. On its place on the floor the candle rattled violently from side to side, the flame growing in size. As the darkness came to wrap its tendrils around the device with the intention of snuffing it out the white stick jumped violently to one side. All the time Leonardo's eyes never left the only source of light in his diminishing room; if it could only move upwards perhaps he could get some semblance of normality back. How the candle managed to avoid the second onslaught of the now openly rebelling darkness Leonardo would never know, but once again it moved, this time through the air to land at the end of his bed where it continued to burn. The flame growing in intensity and strength until it reached the tip of the roof. Despite the massive flames the heat that did not burn him, instead it illuminated his world with terrifying consequence. His ordered world was no longer his own, the dark shadows that swirled around him building up to mount a final, devastating attack. Twisting into a thick wall it swallowed him whole, crushing the flame, and all that he had known for the past two months in one swift crescendo.

---

**_Disclaimer –_** The lyrics at the top are the property of Cyndi Lauper and her record company. And Raph is listening to Numb by Linkin Park! So once I've had the gender switcheroo, and become American, I'll own it all!

Incidentally, in my correction of the story, all previous disclaimers have disappeared. So all previous lyrics used are not mine either, they belong to (amongst others) The Calling, Evanescence, The Pretenders and Leonard Cohen.


	14. Maybe Tomorrow

Okay; I really don't know what to say, the comments made for the last chapter really blew me away. Thank you all so much!

---

_**The Prodigal Son**_

_So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home …_

"Donny!?"

Groaning Donatello sat up at his place in front of his computer. When he had come through it had been to look something up on the internet. From the crick in his neck, he had clearly stayed up a lot longer than he had intended to. "C'mon, it's almost four."

"Raph?" Donny muttered to his brother, with Leonardo's absence the turtle's sleeping, and eating habits had crashed and burned. Now, his overall lack of sleep was catching up with him. Groggy and confused he let his brother help him towards his room with little argument. "You've been out again?"

"Not now Donny!" Opening the door to his room his brother delivered him to his bed with ease. "Get some rest! That's an order." And with that the bedroom door was pulled firmly into place.

-----

With Mikey's snoring, and another one of Donny's predictably late nights Raphael was surprised to have beaten his smarter brother up. Closing the door behind him he walked through the hallway between the bedrooms, his hands absent mindedly running over the healing cuts on his forearms. Climbing over the small lip between the rooms and the rest of the lair he paused to stare at the light on in the kitchen. Arching an eyebrow he walked over the open space of the lair, his footsteps softening with well practiced ease. If Mikey was up and sneaking Leo's Christmas candy they'd be Hell to pay …

Nearing the kitchen, he reached for his sai, if he was going to get a scare on Mikey he would need to move quickly, and efficiently. His baby brother had been making leaps in the ducking and dodging department in training. A lot had happened in the past six and a half weeks, not least his own birthday. Keeping to the shadows, Raphael peered into the kitchen his frown deepening, he had been prepared for almost anything, but certainly not this.

"Mornin'." Tucking the sai away Raph walked into the kitchen, pausing to glance over his brother's shoulder, his eyes lingering on the document he was studying.

**"**_**Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is one of the most difficult to understand of all psychiatric illnesses. Persons who have this condition find themselves repeating certain behaviors or thoughts again and again and again and again. They know the repetition is unnecessary, but are unable to stop themselves. Common forms of this are checking locks, stoves, and lights, or recurrent intrusive thoughts of hurting oneself or one's children.** _

From his place at the table his brother glanced up, a look of unease passing over his face when he realised that he hadn't heard Raphael's arrival. "Morning Raph." Pleasantries aside he returned to scanning the paper.

**"**_**Afflicted individuals usually experience severe anxiety if unable to complete their rituals, though many therapies work by helping the individual learn that no catastrophe occurs when the behaviors do cease.** "_

Shrugging his shoulders Raph went to the cupboard and got out a glass, walking to the tap he filled it to the brim, taking a long sip before adding to his first statement. "'Bout bloody time."

With one hand resting on the lip of the table, Leo's head flickered up to stare at his brother's passive face. "You've read this?" he asked him curtly, his hand sweeping over the spread pages.

"It's on my t'do list." "Mikey was convinced yo'd ged wit'th'program when we had t'wrap yo'arms." As Raph spoke his eyes never left the fading scars that ran along his brother's forearms. Shrugging he walked out of the kitchen, his breakfast in his hand.

**"**_**Research has shown that one of the most difficult problems in OCD is in getting family members to understand that the patient is unable to simply stop the behavior. Many times relatives become angry and upset when they are forced to deal with the time-consuming and unrealistic repetitive behaviours …"** _

"Great!" The hand that supported his cheek moved to run down over the back of his head and along the bandanna tails that hung just above his shoulder.

------

"**_MIKEY!"_** Raph's considerable bellow echoed throughout the entire lair, "Yo gonna wanna see this!"

Nothing.

Growling, Raphael went to the shut door and hammered on it a couple of times. When he was finally greeted with a sleepy eyed Mike he stepped to one side. "There's so'ethin' in th'kitchen fer yo'." He told him simply, a kind smile reserved only for _his_ baby brother coming on his face.

"Huh?"

"Kitchen, rocks fer brains."

"I switched tha cooker off Raph …" whined Mikey trailing out of his room, carrying Mr Blankie, and a pout, with him.

Upon entering the kitchen Mikey stopped, stared at the person in the kitchen, dropped Mr Blankie on the floor in surprise then turned around and exited. With a small frown on his face he walked quickly back to Leonardo's bedroom and pushed the door open, stared at the empty bed, with its tossed back covers, before turning to look back at the living room once again. Pouting slightly he walked into the room and poked the empty space with his finger; satisfied that the bed was indeed empty he turned on his heel and left the room. During his journey back into the living area he stopped once again, his left forefinger and thumb taking up a large amount of flesh and pinching tightly. Wincing in pain, the muscles in his cheek again trying to stretch his face into a broad grin. Sucking his cheeks in the bubbling excitement that continued to well in the pit of his stomach surged forth, speeding up his pace and his lifting his entire mood. By the time he reached the end of the corridor Mikey was less a turtle and more a Mikey shaped blur, his excitement manifesting into a surge of activity that was rarely thought of at 6 in the morning. His route back to the kitchen consisted of a shortcut past a seated Raph, his springy legs clearing the back of the sofa in one fluid leap. Tearing up the steps he barrelled into his eldest brother, the speed and connection taking them both into the kitchen floor with an almighty thud.

"BIG BRO!" Mikey's excited screech echoed round the lair whilst his arms wrapped tightly around Leonardo's middle.

"Mi .. Mikey. I need my diaphragm to breathe."

Pinning him to the floor Mikey blushed slightly, shifting his weight away from his brother and onto his straddling legs. "Ya back!" sitting back he clapped with excitement, his wide grin spreading fully over his face now. Grabbing Leo again he repeated happily, "YA BACK!"

"Indeed you are." Wrapped in a red robe that was not fully tied Splinter watched over his eldest son with relieved curiosity. "Michelangelo, go and get Donatello."

------

As was the custom Splinter sat in the wicker chair at the head of the table. Nursing a cup of green tea Leonardo sat in the centre of the sofa, Mikey sat to his side whilst Raph having made his displeasure clear at having to switch off the television sat on the other side of Mikey. Having been collected from his room Donny sat to the other side of Leo, though he kept himself closed off to everyone by perching on the arm of the sofa with his blanket wrapped around his painfully gaunt frame.

"January 21st?" Shaking his head Leonardo stared back at his Father who merely nodded his head for the third time. "That's … that's a long time." Subconsciously his eyes lowered as he tried to figure out the actual length of time he had been 'gone'.

"Ya missed Christmas." Mikey piped up quietly, fiddling with his cup of hot chocolate, sipping from it, he rested his head on Leo's shoulder, "And Raphie's b'day." Nodding his head with a thoughtful pout, he brought his hand up to push the marshmallow beneath the brown surface.

"Fifty nine days, twenty one hours and seventeen minutes."

With the exception of Mikey all eyes in the room turned to Donny, who returned the uncomfortable gazes with a blank expression. Shrugging it off, he slid down onto the seat of the sofa, drawing the blanket round him tightly.

Exhaling loudly, Leo looked at the floor; the tension that was building up was getting to the point where it could be cut with a knife. "Raph's birthday?!" Second nature took over and Leonardo's spare hand began to make its way to his mouth, only to be innocently intercepted by Mikey's two hands. Tugging it off course he balanced his mug between his legs and began to play with the thumb and outer finger, the descending tension lightened with the quiet humming of 'The Flintstones'. "I haven't got a present!" Biting down on his lip he threw his head back against the sofa's seat, his ever present anxiety levels rising. "Christmas presents. I have Christmas presents …"

"Leo, I know where yo'stash yo'presents …"

"You went into my room?!" Leo's flung head snapped down to stare at Raphael in shock.

"Newsflash Leo! We all been in yo'damn room … not like yo'could exactly getup an'do sh!t now wassit?"

"I got them." Donny spoke up, his thin shoulders marked out against the tight fabric he kept around his body. "Raphael told me where they were and we decided to get Mikey's out." Shrugging he looked at Leo's turning head, " And Father had been working so hard we figured it would be nice to get his out, then Raph snuck mine out. So …" he shrugged awkwardly. "I got Raph's out. They were the first ones under the tree."

"Made it look real pretty." Mikey's quiet rendition of 'The Flintstones' breaking for a moment. "I made Christmas candy for ya." Smiling brightly he released the fingers he had been playing with and bounded off towards the kitchen. "It's real good!" he added loudly.

Watching his brother's unexpected exit Leonardo frowned. So much had changed, and not in obvious ways. In the short two hours he had been conscious his little brother hadn't left his side only reluctantly parting from him when he had gone into the bathroom, and even then he had been waiting for him on the other side of the door. And that was not all, Mikey had grown in an outwards direction. His legs had gained a little extra weight, as had his stomach. Seeing him emerge from the kitchen with a cookie wedged in his mouth, and a bag of candy in a gaudy red bag just made it all the more obvious. His eyes remained narrowed and on his brother as he came back over, slotting himself happily into his spot in the middle of the sofa, his cookie disappearing into the bottom of his chocolate mug. Sighing he brought his hands up to cover his face in a single smothering action he ran them up and over his brow. He would have to fix this. And then there was Donny, who was a complete juxtaposition all skin and bones, his eyes looked washed out, as did his complexion. He had always assumed that everyone realised how Donny got when he had an idea. _Evidently not._ This would have to be something else he would have to fix as soon as possible.

"Perhaps you would like to hear of what has been achieved during training Leonardo?" Taking charge of the meeting Splinter's fingers interlaced before his chest, his narrow bony limbs resting upon the arms of his chair. Encouraged by his son's wide smile Splinter continued, "Your brother's have completed the Praying Mantis kata."

Leonardo's face fell, he had been aiming to complete the kata 'before' and then demonstrate it to his Father. "So you've moved onto the Crouching Tiger?"

Talk of training didn't seem to be pleasing his son, so Splinter paused. Finally he answered the question, "That would be correct."

"Anything else?" eyes narrowed, the lull Leo had experienced in his anxiety swelling up once again. His mouth drew into a tight line whilst he waited for the answer.

"We began meditation in the new year. Simple visualisation exercises."

Turning away from his Father's face Leonardo found himself staring at the grey floor, his anxiety turning up a notch when he noticed a crack in the brick at his foot. Letting out a low laboured breath he felt his thumb running over the enamel of his teeth whilst Raph yanked his hand back out of his mouth. Slowly one leg came up to his chest, his arms wrapping around it whilst the enormity of the length of time that had passed sank in. For the first time in his life he would be playing catch up. He had _never_ played catch up; he shouldn't need to play catch up. Being top of the class was his method of proving his worth.

"Ya should try sum of tha white ones. It's coconut ice." The red paper bag that lay by him rustled as Mikey's hand disappeared into its depths. , proudly pulling out a piece he pushed it into his half hidden face. Mikey's innocence never leaving his tone or actions

"Later Mikey." There was so much to do. _So much to catch up._ What had the old routine been like? He could barely remember. His head tilted to one side so that he could read the clock. **_7.29am_** "We should be training now anyway."

A loud, derivative snort came from Raph's direction. Biting down onto his lip his rolling eyes looked away, his arms coming up to fold over his middle. Slowly his head shook from one side to the other. He couldn't believe this guy.

"Raph?" In between the panicking thoughts that were beginning to consume him he had been considering how, if at all Raphael had changed.

"Oh I dunno. Yo'jus' f-off fer howeva long Donny said it was. Yo'mess Mikey up, yo'miss _my_ birthday an' yo'jus' sittin' there like nuthin' happened talkin' 'bout training like yo'had the flu or so'ethin'!?" Squaring round on the sofa he stared at his brother, his thickening accent marring and running his words together in equal measure. Bringing his shoulders forward his piercing glare bore into Leo's pale face, a single eye ridge rising whilst he continued his challenge "Hm?"

And it seemed he hadn't changed one bit. _Thank God. _What sort of a brother was he? He was actually happy that Raphael was _still_ being a dick. In spite of himself a wry smile exploded on his face, only to be swallowed by his churning anxiety.

Sensing the impending argument, Splinter interjected. "Leonardo has a point Raphael. It _is_ time for you and your brothers to go out and run." The meeting had been less than successful, and the strain showed on his tired face. Perhaps he had expected something from the reunion, for Raphael to see the opportunity presented for a fresh start, but it seemed that this was not to be the case. And his smartest, quietest child remained aloof and nervous, hiding in the folds of his wool blanket instead of interacting with his brother as he had before the time lost. Donatello was not the chattiest of children, but to make only two factually correct statements and nothing else worried him somewhat. At least Michel had not only been happy to see his brother but was choosing to interact with him. Lowering his hands into his lap he watched in surprise as his eldest climbed unevenly to his feet, clearly intent on joining his brothers on their training. "Leonardo …" his tone though warm hardened slightly, "I would like you to stay behind. I feel there is much that we need to discuss."

"Father?" previously this had been what he had desired more than anything else in the world. Some attention, an indication that his hard work was paying off by earning alittle time from his Father.

"_What are you so afraid of?" _Mikey's clinical voice echoed in the back of his mind, and for a moment a vacant expression passed over his face. An expression that was not lost on his brothers, or more specifically Mikey, "Big bro?" his quiet whimper effectively cutting through the haze that threatened his mind.

Blinking Leo's eyes flickered back up from the middle distance, "I'm here Mikey." His brother's arms wrapped around his middle, and held fast for a few seconds, "I'm not going to go anywhere." He added lightly when it became clear that Mikey wasn't going to be letting go anytime soon.

"Ya back for good?" he checked, his arms relaxing slightly.

"For sure."

The now blanket-less Donny glanced up his eyes meeting Raph's stony gaze.

"Come on Mikey …" Donny reached out to tug Mikey away from Leo. "Let's give Leo and Dad some space."

---

**Disclaimer;** I do not own any green talking animals, nor do I own any space in NY. Additionally I do not own the Sterephonics, but I did steal a line from their song 'Maybe Tomorrow', and finally, the bold italics are from a website on living with, diagnosing, and dealing withObessesive Compulsive Disorder, and are not my own research or work. Unfortunately I didn't record the address, so I cannot give proper credit.Oh, and in my chapter correction blitz, I forgot to add that the italics Donny reads in Breathe No More are also from this web-page.

**A.Q -** Do ya likey what I didy?


	15. Father And Son

A.N - Thanks to Fallen Hikari and pac for looking this over for me. And thanks to anyone who is still interested enough to see it through.

Disclaimer - Don't own the lyrics to Father & Son, Cat Stevens does.

__

_**Father & Son**_

_I was once like you are now_

_And I know that it's not easy _

_To be calm when you've found _

_Something going on_

Reluctant to leave his son alone in the lair, Splinter made the tea far faster than he would have preferred. Whilst the kettle boiled, he turned and crept to the doorway, relieved to see his son absently flicking through the channels on the recently upgraded TV. Splinter's head tilted to one side during his quiet reverie; Leonardo had held such promise once, and now his most able-bodied child appeared tense and nervous. With patience and time, he hoped to rekindle the spark that had once driven him. The harsh whistle of the kettle cut through his quiet observation.

Splinter adorned the tray with an assortment of foods. Placing two porcelain mugs down onto the wooden board, along with the pot of freshly brewed tea, he re-entered the main to collect his anxious son.

"Leonardo," Splinter called. He balanced his walking stick across the crook of his arms so he did not have to stop while making the difficult journey with the tray.

Flicking off the television, Leonardo looked at his Father, his eyes narrowing when he saw the rat continue towards his own quarters. "Sensei?"

"Come."

This was what he had always wanted, and yet he was horrified at the prospect of entering his Father's private quarters. This was all wrong; he desired this more than anything, but not in these circumstances. Pausing at the threshold, he studied the hanging yellow muslin intently, his tense expression morphing into one of surprise at the fragile, yet resilient nature of the material. Remaining there, he made a mental note of the lay of the land. To the right of the hanging material was a simple wooden bookcase similar in design and stature the one he possessed. A rolled up bamboo mat stood against the object, and large red ribbons hung from the top of the arched ceiling, the silk material stretching downwards toward the floor.

"Leonardo." His father's instruction was simple and warm. The tray he had managed to circumnavigate into the room was now being placed down onto a rescued, simple side table by a low, improvised bed. "Come."

Slowly the boy entered, his awkward steps mirrored by his awkward stance. His final link to the outer world slid over his shoulders and down across his shell to shimmer back into place. Glancing back at the barrier, he was surprised that the view of the living area was superb, despite the fact inhabitants on the outside could not see in.

"Take a seat, my Son."

Standing by his low bed, he waited for his child to seat himself. Nervously, Leonardo folded himself onto the extended, cushioned settee. Losing himself in the assortment of mismatched cushions, he laughed quietly when his Father came to his aid.

"Now, perhaps you can tell me exactly how you are feeling."

It took Leonardo a few seconds to go through the options of what he could say, but as he mentally went through his checklist of things to monitor, he found them to be 'normal,' which he quietly told his father. It felt like being on trial. Shifting around in his place, the boy tucked his hands beneath his legs and stared at the older man intently. Any other sort of test he could study for, but for this…he had little chance for preparation, and it bothered him greatly.

"Fine?" Splinter echoed. After mulling things over in his head, he continued quietly, "And what does fine feel like?"

Biting on his lip, Leonardo gave his father an incredulous look. "Fine feels fine."

This was not going to be the easy conversation Splinter was hoping for. It seemed that Leonardo, like Raphael, was unwilling to adapt to the new circumstances. Climbing up from his place, Splinter approached his son. "Do you trust me?" Slightly confused, Leonardo gave his father another wary look before nodding his head. One bony hand reached out to gently trace down the side of his neck, locating the point he was seeking. The fingers pressed in slowly.

The sudden change from tense to calm came from no where and hit hard. Jerking away from his father's touch the boy let out a troubled cry. "No!"

"Alright ..." Nimble fingers carefully worked away on the same area and the sensation alleviated itself. "It's alright ..." Splinter cooed softly. "Do you want to know what that was?"

Leonardo nodded his head, a familiar sensation returned to his body. Tightness shot through his neck, and the butterfly effect troubled his stomach.

"I stimulated a nerve ending," Splinter began "It sent a message to the brain, which in turn released a chemical called serotonin—that controls the state of calm a muscle is held in." He waited for some sort of response, but he received none. "No, your brothers do not know how to do that." he continued, deciding that perhaps allaying fears would be the best way to continue. "But that is not the point. My point, Leonardo, is that I feel you are too tense at this moment." Leaning forward, he scooped up one slightly open hand. "And, I would like to know why."

The sensation of being on trial was growing…it transformed into the feeling of being trapped in an interrogation chamber. Fingers that were kept firmly under his legs clawed at the material, and the boy physically began to shift under the patient, caring gaze. More than anything, Leonardo wanted to free one of his hands and put his thumb into his mouth. But doing so meant giving his father something to worry unduly over. "I'm..." Leo kept his voice soft and his eyes lowered. "I'm not used to this, I'm ..." He fell silent.

"Well, perhaps there are other things that…" Splinter paused to think for a moment. Seeking a way into his son's world was proving to be far more difficult than he had first anticipated. Pausing to find a phrase that wouldn't overly worry his child, the rat continued as best he could, "... bother you."

Splinter soon learnt of his son's discomfort. Donatello was sickeningly thin, a fate he had escaped in no small part due to Michelangelo's dedicated maintenance of his body. Raphael was boisterous and crude, his rough edges causing Leonardo's hackles to rise before the pair had even spent more than a little time together. And then there was Mikey, living in a world where nothing but the very best occurred. In less than twenty minutes of awkward interface, the problems that Leonardo felt responsible for solving had all been brought to his attention, and the longer Splinter allowed his child to rant and rave, the more apparent the number of worries that the young child had been keeping. And most worrying of all, whilst his child continued to speak on the subject of his siblings, he did not once touch upon his own needs, wants, or even desires.

"They're broke," Leo finally concluded in a tired voice, "and they need me to support and fix them." Leaning back, the boy's head fell back against the raised sofa, his eyes wandering over the curved expanse that greeted them. "It's going to take forever to put Don back together."

"Son..." Splinter sat with his legs curved beneath him, his small blue-grey tongue peeking out for only short periods of time to wet his lips before disappearing back into his mouth. "Is there anything else you feel in need of care?"

Beneath his legs, Leonardo's trapped fingers tensed. Raking them through the cushioned material, he struggled to control his breath. "Some tea?" Splinter offered. Startled by the change of tact, Leonardo nodded his head once before answering the question first posed. "I..."

Their 'talk' was becoming more punctuated by the silences that smothered it than the words themselves. "I suppose I could..." Leonardo's lips vanished beneath the firm grip of his teeth "…do with some help." He was behind in his training after all.

"Yes, I believe you could."

_What?!_ Leonardo's head went ram rod straight, and his eyes set upon his father in surprise. Startled, the boy's jaw dropped slightly and his free hand jerked from his father's gentle grasp. Ascending upwards, the corner of his hand was ready to enter into his jaw before a soft tinkling interrupted his abhorrent thoughts. Perched now on his claws, Splinter held out the pro-offered cup of tea, dark eyes expectedly waiting for it to be taken. Behind the eyes sat nothing more than amusement, outward warmth at his child's unexpected, extreme reaction. "Your tea," he added, his tone also containing that soothing warmth. Caught in mid-air, the hand slowly began to alter its trajectory towards the object; consciously wrapping his hand around the smooth, hot surface, Leonardo settled himself. Hot liquid and buzzing nerves did not make a good combination.

"You remind me of myself," Splinter began, certain that his son's moment of panic was over. A cynical smile spread over his face, dragging the corner's of his snout upwards and giving his otherwise dark eyes a personable glint. The words themselves couldn't have come at a better time for Leonardo and his taut, self doubt.

"When I was your age I...felt an intense responsibility for those around me." That certainly tickled a nerve; attentiveness came to his person that had otherwise been lacking. Licking his lips, Leonardo sipped from his cup, his ears and desire to learn unwittingly plunging him deeper into his Father's deceptively entertaining web.

Leonardo had never realised how brutally harsh the training sessions in Japan had been during his Father's youth, nor had he been aware of what a good storyteller his father was. Time slipped by, washing away tension as it went. And removing the distinction between his Sensei's actual words, and the message they held.

Sipping from his cup to find it empty, he politely held it out for a refill, which he was duly granted. Halting his speech, Splinter leaned back to admire his handiwork. The technique was one that Western lawyers had begun to employ, matching tone and speed to the beat of the recipients and then slowing it. On a subconscious level, it could draw the most wily and temperamental of beings into a state of calm, and as aware of his surroundings as his child may be, there was no denying the slackness in his shoulders and slight deepening of his breath. It was the first time in his life Splinter had seen his child at peace, and in time, his misadventure into catatonia along with this pointed to the potential for a well-ordered and good understanding of the power of meditation.

"Splin'er!" One hand tore back the yellow fabric that hung over the entrance to the rat's private quarters, the outline, closely followed by the boy himself charged in. Red fabric dangled over the top of his shell and his rough vocals were only surpassed by the undeniable harshness that swallowed his features. Suffocating the growl of annoyance that followed Leo's intrusion into his privately shared patch, Raphael folded his arms and hung in the doorway, ignoring Leonardo's initially shocked expression as he realised how much time had crept away from him. Standing uncertainly, the lingering calm that had invaded his body carried him towards the shared areas of the family home.

"Leonardo." Already the sounds of returning brethren flooded the lair, but it did not stop Splinter from giving his son one final tool. Opening a small case, the rat pulled forth a leather-bound book and pencil, which he placed firmly into his departing child's hands. "Privacy," Stern eyes lingered on Raphael for longer than was entirely necessary, "is not always something that can be assured in this house."

Reaching down, the old rat drew up Leonardo's other arm, firmly placing it on top of the blank-paged book. Creating a sandwich of paw, hand, book, hand, paw Splinter caught his eldest's eye for a moment. "…Nor is my time. When something is pressing, write it in here, and when there is an opportunity, perhaps it can be discussed."

From behind the trio, the remnants of the family arrived—or rather returned, from what would turn out to be a rather entertaining trip. Limping slightly, Mikey paused to look up at the huddled group, offering little more than an awkward atypical grin.

"Like Ah was tryin' t' tell ya," Raph began again, his eyes flicking indeterminably from a passive loathing to a fond glint upon altering his gaze from older to younger sibling. "Mikey's gone an' done his foot." With a brief roll of his eyes, the burliest of the group slid away from the most senior members of his family.

"Michel." One arm extended out to his youngest and the shared time with Leonardo faded into the past. Clutching the book to his plastron, Leo also re-entered into the lair, a stern smile upon his face. Mikey hopped up to his Father whilst Raphael (in a fashion that Leo remembered well) took control of the television and put the volume up to obnoxious levels. Don lingered far too long, a far weaker smile worn upon his face. A soft snort escaped from Leo's nostrils and he placed the book down upon the side board. _Yes,_ there was much to be done here, and it would start with Don.

"Hi." Shrugging awkwardly, he approached one whom he once looked upon as reliable and solid as a lump of granite. A thin smile spread over his face and eyes roamed "What's up?" It wasn't much, but it was a start...

_First Don, then Mikey._

Raph – he could go hang...


	16. Best Of You

AN: Once again, thanks to pac for the beta!

DISCLAIMER: Foo Fighters own the lyrics to the song Best Of You, I'e just borrwed a coupla lines is all! No profits made unfortunately.

**_Best of You _**

_I've got another confession my friend, I'm no fool _

_I'm getting tired of starting again, somewhere new. _

When one went to war, one needed tools, and time. Time had been readily given upon Leonardo's descent into catatonia and along with the opportunity to plan and prepare. Michel's foot was wrapped, and a few days had passed. During that time Mikey had been hopping around the kitchen with his Father brewing all sorts of potions and things. On the second day, with his who is this referring to? Leo? Or Mikey? hands secured within bandages so he could chew to his heart's content an already ominous smell was starting to escape.

"That one Michel." Splinter told him, the tip of his cane raising to point to the small vial. With a hop and a spring Mike had it in his hand and was pouring over the pan once again. With a hand that rivalled asbestos he snatched up the hot ladle and began spooning the thick brown liquid across across what?. When the container was filled he slipped off the counter and smiled proudly up at his Father. This was his idea, based solely from his own random brain. Sealing it with a cork he turned and began to hop through to the lair.

"BB, my wonderful brother of brotherliness ..." Leo's eyes closed, it was as if he had never left. Mikey was spontaneous and forgiving, albeit complete with a sweet tooth that had left a thin layer of blubber, but he was still Mike; in forty eight hours he had done a U-turn of sorts. He clung a little but he was chatty and funny and entertaining, though his penchant for practical jokes was currently on the wane. Opening them again he looked up at his brother's lurking frame.

"Yes?"

"Pour vooooous." he passed it across to him with a flourish, "Whipped up a batch for Don when he went through his nail biting phase. It's a kicker."

"What is it?" the warm glass rested against his palm, the white bandages that were lined with fray edges from the occasional knawing his subconscious had laid upon it. Now he idly passed it between his open hands.

Slowly the bandages were removed and Mike started to pour the liquor onto his green palms. "And rub." Leo complied, a small flicker of amusement flashing across his face. The liquid was marginally sticky stretching over his hands as it went. Now that it was directly on his person his nose wrinkled in disgust. The smell was enough to turn his gut, and he turned his head from it with a grimace as he worked. When both of his hands were soundly coated and he held them apart for inspection. "And bite." Pausing Leo stared at Mikey in disbelief, "No really ..." he ushered with his hands and after a moment's pause the boy did just that.

"Oh my God!" Pulling his hand out he pressed it over his lower face before yanking it back and coughing haphazardly into his upper arm. "That is so wrong"

"Isn't it?!" Mikey's face broke out into a bright smile, "But it's part of the package."

"Package?" Instinctively Leo's eyes flicked to Don, having been lurking by his workstation he came over and sat with them. If anything he appeared curious. "What you got to say?"

"Nothing." Don responded softly, "This hasn't got anything to do with me."

"None of it?"

"Not one bit." Don shrugged it off, now that his brother was back, and making sure he got his three square meals he was starting to participate a lot more. Out of all of them, the only one who was not paying attention was Raph. Sure he was present, but his eyes were locked with the TV screen, and he appeared to be totally engrossed.

That just felt wrong, sighing Leonardo returned his attention to the matter, his hands now free of their bonds twitched intermittently. "Michel and I have been discussing how best to deal with the discomfort you feel." With a small nod, Splinter continued at a steady pace. "I am going to give you my time Son, and together hopefully we will get you back to the same point as your siblings. To better help this the rest of you are going to be allowed some time free from the dojo. Training will still take place, but kata's are to be suspended." Raphael's head twitched, but his eyes remained forward, "Meditation has only recently begun, so I can assure that you shall be able to sit with your siblings shortly as part of the class." Sighing softly Splinter completed his plan of attack, "In the interim the biggest matter at home is to help you gain control of this compulsion. To aid that, Michel is going to mix more of this ... potion." A shared smile spread, with an olfactory gland far superior to his children's the old man had been subject to the gunk for long enough. "You are also to participate in a routine for bed, Leonardo." The old rat's tone hardened and his eyes locked and pierced, this was one matter that was not up for debate. "I believe that meaningful sleep will help with this condition, so every night the following is to be observed. Camomile tea is to be drank up to an hour prior to bed, see me and I shall teach you some techniques to calm your nerves, application of Michel's liquor is to be done before bed. If you so wish it we may talk in the evening before you settle. When you choose to go to bed is your personal decision Son, but I do not expect to see you start this after nine thirty."

Leonardo nodded his head mutely, "What about training?" Specifically his own, his brother's got to run, and work with weights. What about him?

"I was thinking you could help Donatello's pursuit back to his physical peak." Splinter responded softly, the two did not spend much time together, and this was due to the smaller and smarter of the two. "A gentle ease back into will be beneficial to you both." It would hopefully bond them once again too, not to mention fit into his child's own plans for his brother. With such prior information it made it easier to order things in a way that would suit all involved. "That is alright with you?"

Don stared at his father for a couple of seconds before nodding his head, "Sure."

"Leonardo ..." Splinter's final words were very soft as the family began to peel off to their respective corners, "Be aware that these things will take time. Errors will come along the way."


	17. Trying

AN: For spootycup, who kept pressing for updates even when I didn't know if they were coming. Also, thanks to pac for the beta! And though I've tried Raph's language is gonna get colourful and some of it may have escaped the censor.

DISCLAIMER: Lyrics belong to Rascall Flatts and 'I'm Moving On' No profit made, no intention to do so, though the song itself is BEAUTIFUL! LISTEN NOW!

**_Trying _**

_Could you let down your hair and be transparent for a while? _

_Just a little while, see if you're human after all. _

_Honesty is a hard attribute to find _

_When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out _

"Aw man ..." Raphael's lip curled up and his toes wriggled. It would be best to get to the point and identify the crime, so he looked down at the stale pizza that had been left on the floor. Stale, cold, pizza that Mikey had just had to leave on the floor. Oh yea, that was the creme iced topping to the oh-so-wonderful night that he had been having. It wasn't enough that his sojourn into the 'real' world had ended with him turning tail and scooting home in fear of recrimination. No, it had to end with his bratish brother staying up late, eating pizza and leaving the remains on the floor where anyone could find it. Peachy – it was just peachy! Disdain dragged forth a sigh and the boy wiped his foot off on the same sofa Mike was sure to be parking his arse on in the morning and continued on his way to the one place he got some peace, only to stop again.

It felt wrong, standing between his room and those of his siblings. All around him the doors were drawn to, the sound of Mike's snoring reaching his ears even through the thick wooden doors. Don's workstation was still well lit, but if he'd been up he'd been there to meet him at the entrance to the lair when he snuck in. Slowly Raph's teeth began to work on the inside of his cheek, chewing the tissue that was it. Don wasn't up, turning on his heel Raphael moved across to the regimentally secured door opposite his own halting for a moment he leant forth to press his ear to the surface, hearing nothing he straightened up and returned to his own room, pushing the door open it took every inch of his self control not to go with his gut instinct.

He'd sat in the dark, surrounded by the smell and the mess and the iridescent sounds of others moving around him and settling for bed. Leonardo had never found himself in this position before; he'd always had a way of dealing with the anxiety and impending sense of doom that could swallow him in a heartbeat. Master Splinter had sat with him for hours on end imparting wisdom and techniques for meditation and self control, and it had been with a large degree of irony that he had absorbed and perfected that information to the best of his abilities. It was for that reason he sat where he did right now, after ensuring that Don went to bed. A soft smirk crossed over his lips – there were not many times he got to do that anymore. _Nope_ the thought was bitter, Raph saw to that. And Mike looked after the lair, more or less, sure he left it as his own personal pig sty, but he was the head chef; it was one of these strange pay offs that simply was. Like a lot of things since his return to the real world; he had fixed Don, it had taken months of hard work and gentle pushes but his brother was almost back to his old ways, as was Mikey. It had always been a relief to not have to care about Raphael – as surely as he sat on the side of his bed he could always predict his brother, he just hoped that said brother was in the market for having the current 'favoured son' in his pocket.

To his left a crack of tepid light began to grow, and with fleeting irritation Leo turned to meet it head on.

* * *

"What th- ..." Leo stood to greet him, stepping up to close the distance between the pair, and it threw him. "Git out!" stepping aside Raph's arm went flying up to indicate the vacant space between his domain and the general public area that was fair game. 

Leo didn't move, he could see it in his eyes and his head moved surreptitiously to the right and up slightly. All the better to hit him with, _You know you want to_ sweet as honey the words ran reassuringly through his head. Raphael was predictable, more importantly Raphael hated him with every moral fibre of his being. He'd violated his sanctuary, and was giving him a free shot. He'd be crazy to turn it down, "Make me." he pushed tensing his shoulders and planting his feet. Eyeball to eyeball Leo waited for the satisfying crack of thick knuckle across his jaw to materialise, but he was to be disappointed, with a grunt Raphael barrelled past him into his room his arms drawing across his chest so that he could take a good look at his elder brother.

"Yo' must think I'm a frickin' idiot." was Raphael's final assessment. "I aint playin' yo' fuckin' games."

"It's a _free_ shot." He wasn't moving, he needed this, Hell to be more precise at this exact moment he needed Raphael to be Raphael. "If anyone asks, I slipped in the shower..."

Raphael had to admit it was getting to him; the low level of self control that he possessed was being pushed to its very limit. This room, his room was just that – his. And here Leo was just chipping away, and that was something Raph didn't need.

"It's not like there's any love lost here." Raphael's eyes narrowed, when Leo stepped back into the room so that he was up in his face again there seemed to be something more to his brother's silent waiting game. Leo looked tense, and drawn, shaking his head directly in response to his sibling's assessment of their brutally terse and uncivilised relationship Raph straightened up and took it on the metaphoric chin.

"I don't think so." tucked from sight Raph's fists alternately clenched then relaxed. It wasn't that Leo's offer wasn't tempting, smacking that smug, all knowing, attention grabbing prick ... ooo it would be sweet. But so would the pay out when it was all done. "Nu uh, get out." was all he hissed coldly at his brother's expectant face.

But he kept on pressing, again Leo stepped closer Raphael's previous conclusions about drawn tempered by the slight falter in Leonardo's usually determined step. "What's the problem here?" It was a change in tact on his brother's part too. "You don't even like me Raph; that much is kinda obvious. So what the HELL is the problem with you getting a little of what you want?!"

And it was right up to that point that Leo might have got his way. It went directly against the grain of Raphael's character to let this go without a fight, but it was even more against Leo's to speak out of turn, or more to the point _whine_ at his siblings when he didn't get his way.

"Out!" There was a game to be had, a test of some sort here but Raphael wasn't biting. Grabbing the top of his brother's arm Raphael gave his elder a more than helping hand out the door. With one almighty tug he had Leo in the curving frame of his door; stepping out into the open space (fuelled by his temper) he pulled again ensuring that he carried him into the area directly outside his door. "Now!"

"No!" Spinning on the heel of his outer foot Raphael let go, using momentum to carry Leo free and into the open area – or at least that was the theory. With a flailing arm Leo grabbed a hold of the cusp of Raphael's door frame and dug in. On the tip of his hand the nail caught and tore away from the finger leaving a wide gash that began to well with blood. Stumbling backwards Leo managed to balance himself in the threshold of his hot-headed brother's room once again, his composure on the verge of collapse. "Raph ..." his tone had changed, it wasn't composed any more, it was low and desperate, a feeling that was reflected in his now darting eyes.

He wasn't stupid, "Oh ..." he took his time to turn round and look at his brother's closed door. "Whatcha hidin'?"

"Don't!" Raphael had already taken one massive step towards it. "I mean it!" Leo reiterated, his eyes widening with horror. He hadn't done it in almost eleven months, but it was happening again. Bloodied as it was his injured hand rose towards his mouth as if on auto-pilot to be greeted by a partially opened jaw. It slid in with barely a nod.

Beneath the callous' that covered the palms of both of his hands Raphael felt the grain of his brother's bedroom door. He didn't even look back to bask in his glory; he'd gotten Leo's goat? Well good! Cuz Lord knew Leo had just burnt everyone of his last nerves. "I gettit ... you get to go in my room, but I don't get a look in yours!" reaching down he pulled the door handle and released the catch, "Lemme guess, it's a crack whore." The smug voice stopped dead, and despite his best efforts to remain superior and cold Raph's jaw dropped.

It was a dump; no dump was too kind a word for it. A dump was the lair itself with Mike's half eaten pizza and Don's junk lying all over the frickin' floor. This space, the one right in front of his nose looked like a fricking cyclone had hit it, and even then Raph wasn't certain that was right. Mikey? Mikey knew better that that, and Don was a shadow of his former self. Sure he and Leo got along an' all, but it was strained, that much was obvious. It was like Don was catching his words and then deleting out the bits that might set Leo off. Exhaling slowly Raphael drank in the finer details of the mess as it lay before him, each and every book that Leo owned had been dislodged from the bookshelf that normally rested against the far curving wall of his abode, the fine bamboo mats that had hung from the walls were ripped free, trawled across a bed that instead of being made had every part of it violently removed from its place and left to the laws of physics and gravity. The blanket and sheets had been torn away from a yellowed mattress that had been upended from the divan to lie haphazardly across the width of the room itself. To the right of that the doors to the wardrobe were wide open, the contents littered all over the floor and base of the piece of wooden furniture. Inhaling deeply the scent of lavender and rosemary joss sticks tickled his nose, and after wading into the debris he soon found the source, scorching its way through the outer lining of one crisp, blue pillow case was a discarded cone. With a flip of his toe the smouldering cone was off the flammable object and extinguished against the cold hard stone that made up the room itself. Strewn amongst the paraphernalia were scarlet Buddha's – the jolly fat men laughing at all the chaos that surrounded them. "Jesus!" With the cone safe from the bedlam Raphael's loose foot came into contact with the shattered remains of something else. Reaching down to study the oily substance he had it identified upon the first 'tasting'. Lotus, garlic, and a little something else; Leo's gunk. Looking, with one knee firmly on the floor Raph grabbed the side of his brother's already trashed blanket tossing it over the leak before looking for the applicator, that was with the cracked mug. Crawling on the floor it was resting at the side of the wardrobe the well used bristles still dripping with the stuff. One ... two ... three ... the single drop of brown liquid fell off the end of the brush and landed upon the cracked white where it had been pooling for God knows how long. Flicking the remainder of the liquid from his own fingers Raphael cautiously got back to his feet. The piece de resistance though could be found almost directly opposite him, hanging on the side of the wardrobe were Leo's pride and joy. Or rather the sheath of the twin katana, and one blade – the other was freed from its holding and in what could have only been caused by a fit of fury wielded. Following a path that started with one thrown pillow and ended with a cheap Chinese faux tapestry that had been harvested from a dump was the other sword. Leo must have swung it good, the tempered steel was caught in the flimsy material and then held firm by the damp cement and crummy stones that made up the wall. Tilting his head to one side Raph studied it, his head shaking in disbelief ... funny, it didn't make Raph smile, though some small part of him reminded him that it should. This sort of thing came round once in a lifetime ... and the potential payout could be huge. With a rueful shake of his head he retreated from the mayhem, catching the door with the flat of his hand upon exiting.

"Get that thin' outta there!" Raph strode back far quicker than he had liked, and the visible evidence of an old habit moved him faster. Again he engaged his brother in a tug of war, winning with the satisfying pop of hand coming out of mouth. It was with bitterness that he could check the damn thing for signs of excessive biting with little more than a glance. Ushering Leo into the innards of his room he pushed the door to and looked him over again. "Yo' do that?" Emotionless eyes looked Leo over for other signs of stress and he snorted softly. It was all there, the inability to meet his eye, coupled with the almost neglible restlessness that many would completely overlook. He was always the perfect picture of control and composure, but that wasn't to be right now. Leonardo's head turned away, looking back towards the firmly shut door before moving to study the curve of the ceiling. Behind his back his fingers tightened then loosened their grasp around the end of his wrist, and as the silence stretched and it became abundant that Raph was currently done with the talking Leo took to knawing intermittently on his lip.

"I aint layin' yo' out." was Raph closing statement, before he stepped back from his brother and walked towards his filthy, creased encrusted, unmade bed. Hopping onto it the younger of the pair fished about under his bed, dislodging and pulling into his possession a discarded music magazine from the surface. Flicking through the pages he drew his legs up to his chest and began to aimlessly scan the page. "Go git so'eone else." he spat when Leo didn't get the hint and vacate his premises.

"Who?" huddled against the wall Leo stared back at his brother's closed form. "Don? He's only just started treating me like I'm a real person. And you really want me screwing up Mike?" There it was and it brought out a stilted shudder and gasp. He was tired, he wanted sleep, and he wanted everything to slip back into place like it always did. Heck, there were things that Leo wanted that he couldn't even put pay to, but right now he had reached an impasse and it had got the better of him. Intermittent surges of adrenaline and nervous energy just wouldn't give him the sweet release he needed. Once more his eyes drifted back to his apathetic sibling; one thing, one _little_ thing and even then Raphael couldn't do that right.

Raph himself snorted in response, the fact that Leo had a point only served to irk him some more. How the Hell did someone who was that messed up still manage to win arguments at three in the morning?! Licking his finger he turned the page, straightening up ever so slightly in order for a cursory glance in Leo's direction. He was standing still, looking dejected and possibly even a little bored. "Splin'er?" Now that garnered a response! Suddenly Leo was attentive and pleading all at the same time,

"Don't even go there Raphael ..." he murmured, the barest hints of a threat accompanying the words. The magazine recaptured his attention and Leo was left with nothing else to respond to. Silence prevailed, interspersed with the sound of paper being flicked over and the occasional squeak of a bed as others moved about. "You know ..." Leo began softly, venturing closer to Raph to better capture his reaction, "I think I found one of those things with an article on Nirvana right over there ..."

"Don't even go there ..." came the low response. The leg muscle that had tensed to lash out at his brother only to slacken upon realisation, _Slick, real slick_ With a smirk Raph looked up, before turning another page Raph gave Leo his dues, "Ya almost had me." he added with what sounded like a small degree of awe, his eyes flicked down to the page and he descended back into stonewall silence, leaving his companion with little more to do that sink down onto the end of his brother's bed.

There was something new preoccupying Leonardo at that precise moment in time. He had come to Raphael in search of relief from his inability to sleep and consequential loss of control. When he had got up that morning he had not been on the verge of a second nervous breakdown, and now almost nineteen hours he was at breaking point. Hanging off the edge of the bed his hands became a completely different battleground. One part of his being was more than ready to cave and just stick that tiny podgy digit right into the side of his mouth and work it over until the small disc of tension that was building behind his eyes and causing his thoughts to loop and whirl vanished into submission. The other part, the rational part that had been smiling sweetly and telling everyone he was 'back on track' and 'doing just great' didn't want to do that. He'd been lying to himself for only a week or so he guessed, but it didn't matter, now that Don was a completed project and Mikey was well Mikey he had his own house left to order. And there was no one left to help him. No one. "You saw it, didn't you?" Leo drew his cheeks into his mouth before exhaling slowly, though his hands did not cease in their endless wringing his upper body bowed down so that the silhouette that Raphael captured was rather like that of a man in search of faith, it was that of a man defeated. And Raphael saw it perfectly.

"No Leo I had mah blinkers blinders on, obscured ev'rything!" He wouldn't give it to him, there was no way in Hell he was giving Leo anything, he had already taken enough from him. That alone meant he wasn't getting the sympathy too.

"What are you going to do then?" it was the next logical step, more importantly what was it going to take to keep him silent. Everyone thought that he was improving, and Leo had no intention of letting them down.

"Nuthin'." Raphael responded coldly.

"You're not going to tell anyone?"

"Well when yo' git back in there an' tidy it all up there aint gunna be nuthin' t' tell is there?!"

"Don't make me go back in there Raph!" The look on Leo's face equalled the alarm that sparkled through his words, again he was attentive and his back straightened fully. Turning inwards one leg rose to lie across the bed from the knee to the hip. "I'm not going back in there." he repeated moments later an odd sense of release settling over him.

"Oh yes yo' are!"

"Not without a fight."

Un-fxckin'-believable. "Do I look like a frickin' idiot?!" Raph shot back, slamming his magazine into the mattress once again. "I am _not _puttin' yo' out!"

"Then we have a problem don't we?"

Eyes widening, Raphael returned his gaze to his discarded magazine, both of his arms shooting out to his side to better support the frustration that was boiling over. Leo had his arms folded and his own back erect, he wasn't backing down, and there was a minor glint of smugness to his face. Shaking his head Raphael leant forward, "What if I told yo' I was guna go git Splinta _right_ now?"

Leaning into meet him Leonardo responded with similar treacle tones, "Then I'd lock your door and put the bed up against it." Smirking he leant back, "I guess you should have thought about that when you added the bolt."

"Not if I call him."

"Then I'd take that pillow right there and smother you with it." Leonardo paused, "And I'd get _exactly_ what I wanted. It's called forethought Raph, one day I'm sure you'll pick up the concept." The false smile that accompanied his words dissolved and his teeth clenched instead, "It's when you plan for every possible outcome."

"Al'aight ..." It was Raphael's turn to concede, and return a cold glower. For Chrissakes, Leo was on edge he could see it, and the fact he was being overly pissy just pointed that out. If nothing else Leonardo was normally tolerant of Raph and his demands, what sucked the most was that it him who would usually back down nine times out of ten too. "Well other than gittin' laid out what the Hell do you want?!"

"Some peace" Leo appeared to just melt again, with the danger of getting into a physical fight or having his room discovered removed the vulnerable, exhausted child surfaced again. "It doesn't stop ..." anxiety swelled and it was with conscious effort he ignored the tug to chew on his thumb "... the thoughts and the counter thoughts and the checking and th- ...".Raphael's back had turned during his impromptu rant and he had now shoved a plastic container complete with sloshing brown liquid into his hands. Eyes trailed from the battered bottle to Raphael's expectant expression then back down to it once again. "What is it?"

How exactly did one class peach flavoured ice tea? Without bashing an eyelid Raph responded dryly, "'erbal tea." his eye dropped down to the unlabelled bottle, "Helps yo' sleep." It was a load of crap and Raph knew it, didn't stop him from standing there and selling it. "What yo' wantin' isn't it?"

Taking the bottle up in one hand Leo studied it for a little longer, Raph was right it was what he wanted. He just didn't have Raph pegged as someone who'd be packing random herbal teas for every occasion. Mikey? Sure. Don? He'd have some sort of equivalent, but Raph? Unscrewing the lid he sniffed, inhaling the crystallised sugar and faux fruit that lingered within. After a moments longer hesitation he sipped, "Oh!" swallowing it he stared at Raphael incredulously, "That is horrific." How did he drink that stuff?

"Medicine aint meant t' taste good."

"I've had enough."

"That aint guna do it."

Reluctantly Leo took another swig, unaware of its complete and utter inability to do anything. "You can keep that." he told him tossing it back.

"An' yo' can go."

"I'm good, thanks." Folding his arms Leo let out a small sigh accompanying it with a sub-conscious shudder. From where Raphael was standing his eyes caught the minor flex of his suppressed fingers. How hard could it be to ignore an urge to suck on your goddamn thumb anyway? Even Mike had regrown just grown out of that.

"I gave yo' what yo' wanted."

"Did you? If I didn't know for a fact that we don't keep anything toxic down here I wouldn't put it past you to give that a go!" Bristling once more Leo eventually relented and fell back into silence once it was clear that Raph wasn't going to bite back. Not that a swift kick or punch to the head wouldn't help him no end.

There was a long gap before Raphael finally came up with something 'appropriate' "Well yo' aint spendin' the night 'ere." Leo wasn't getting a physical response out of him, and the most ironic thing was that if he hadn't made it abundantly clear that it was what he so desired it would have been the first thing Raph would have done upon his discovery. To Raphael's satisfaction Leonardo started to yawn minutes later. Don called it a placebo; he'd been giving Mikey more fake medicine than he had the real stuff for almost two years now. If he didn't Mike would put him out of business. And it seemed that the same could be said for 'good ol' Leo' too, though he wouldn't have thought he'd have seen him cave so easily. The mind, as his Father put it, was a 'wonderful thing'. Looked like it was something that even Raph could play, smirking he settled down onto his bed once again, curling up and turning his attention back to his magazine.

_theek _

Flexing his own fingers Raph glanced around the side of the dog eared booklet to observe his brother's descent into slumber. When had he curled up at the foot of his bed, making a pillow out of his arms? 'Damnit' With the flat of his foot he jarred Leo in the chest, "Out!" to better back up his position one thumb shot towards the door.

"Mmmmmm..." shifting his head marginally Leo did his best to ignore the intrusion into his placid dreams. Here things didn't rush about madly, here things were good. And he'd only just dozed off ...

"For fxcks sake!" Exasperated Raphael clamboured to his feet and stalked to his brother's side. Laid out over the end and edge of his bed, snorting softly Raph glanced up at his shut door and the mess he knew lay beyond that. Well if Leo was going to sleep in squalor he was going to sleep in his bloody own. Satisfied that his hands were carefully covered by the corner of his own bedspread he darted across the hall to straighten out Leonardo's own bed.

"FxCK!" It turned out that there were glass shards on the floor, laced directly over the bedspread that had been in the wrong place at the wrong time during Leo dalliance with pure rage. Yanking it out on the third attempt Raph brushed the bits of glass off onto the side table before shaking it out completely. Tossing it over the mattress he smoothed it quickly before gathering up the blanket and cover sheet and leaving them bunched at the bottom of the entire piece. Picking his way over the debris he hurried back leaning over the stainless steel frame of his own bed.

Reaching out with one hand he shook Leo gently ... and got nothing.

Licking his own lips he tried again, this time going so far as to capture the cusp of one shoulder and tugging him up into a sitting position of sorts.

"Nnnn..." it was less a word and more a groan, heaved into a sitting position Leo's descent into sleep was broken and his body began to slowly relay information back to his yet to be wakened head. "Don't make me go back there ..." he mumbled pushing against Raph's shoulders before letting his head fall back once again, actually his entire body did.

"Yo' want me t' spend the night there?!"

"Mmnn."

"Damnit!" giving up Raph let him go; if he woke him up he'd just be back where he started. His eyes darted to the alarm clock on his own bedside table. Four in the fricking morning. They'd been at this for an hour. Biting on his lip he gave it some extra thought, before starting again. He weighed a ton! Half carrying, half dragging his sibling across the hall he halted on the cusp of the sleeper's room. Oh, Leo was going to pay for this, Raph would make sure of it. Digging deep he finished putting his brother to bed before pulling his covers up and gently draping them over the top. "There yo' go." he hissed before straightening up and glancing at the room. With little more than a minor roll of his eye he reached up to the blade that was still wedged in the wall and started to tidy up ... it would all be for nought if Leo overslept and someone walked in on this shit-tip anyway. And as far as Raph was concerned he wasn't getting his ass busted for that because of this, it was his finishing flourish to switch his brother's alarm clock off.

* * *

**_thunk _**

With a start Leo sat up ... in his room ... slowly his brows knotted together and he looked around. It wasn't the same as it had been when he'd left last night. In fact it was, no it wasn't, spotless. The Buddha was facing the wrong way, and there was a twist in the belt holding his swords. The books were all carefully smoothed out and put back into the bookshelf, his wardrobe doors were closed, sliding out from beneath his creased blanket and sheet he tilted his head to one side before tentatively opening up the wardrobe doors. The right one wasn't hanging loose, partially pulled away as it had been last night. Someone had sat and fixed it.

_Don _

**_thunk _**

_Don has been in here _

Anxiety that lurked beneath the surface surged forth. Chewing on his lip he let the door swing shut, there was no one else who knew the exact lay out of his room. Slowly he reached out and tested the left door of his wardrobe; he hadn't spent the best part of five minutes last night trying to tear that one free from its hinges. And in truth he'd only given up on the other because it occurred to him that he'd need a screwdriver to get the hinge bracket out without ruining the side of it. As for the contents within, they had all been painstakingly put back in place, once again there were odds and ends that were out of place. His de-stress box, most of which had seen the floor, or wall was refilled with nearly all of his things. A fresh bottle of gunk was present, along with a new applicator. Rosemary and lavender sachets were there along with his joss sticks and ready supply of camomile tea. Closing his eyes recalled turning in a state of fury and hurling his tea at the back of the door when meditation meditating, and a ready descent to calm, had escaped him. The cup had cracked clean in half the two parts rolling in completely different directions. Looking at the neatly laid out white cup complete with saucer one wouldn't think that. His gunk had gone next; his hands had been shaking far too violently for him to apply it properly, so that too had seen the floor. After that...

**_thunk _**

_Okay _

Even Leo could count, and that was the third time someone had dropped something outside his shut door. Letting that door of his wardrobe swing shut he walked through the room to his door. Even as he reached for the handle his mind touched on the events of last night. Sword next, right out of the sheaf and into the far wall. He hadn't intended on throwing it, just rather the gunk that had made it onto his hands had left him with a pathetic grip. It had slipped clean away when he had turned the blade onto his wardrobe door. Climbing over to get it free only to find he couldn't had been the absolute last straw. After that the bookshelf had been emptied in a fit of fury that would have made Raph proud. There was an irony ... getting Raphael's attention for anything was a battle. Pursing his lips, his now dry fingers wrapped around the smooth steel of his bedroom door knob. Turning it slowly he got a surprise and a half just outside.

"What?" Raph's surly face peeped out just over the top of a laden box. Just to the right of his door were three boxes full of bits and pieces. "I've got more stuff than yo'." he continued dropping that fourth box before folding his arms, tilting his head and waiting patiently for Leo to bite. Getting Leo to bite was something that hadn't happened in a long, long time.

"You have." If anything he sounded surprised. Placated he looked up to notice that Mike and Don were watching over him from a far. Don held a piece of engine in one hand and a dirty oil stained cloth in the other, mid-polish he merely seemed to be waiting for something to snap. Mike was flitting in the other corner, a comic hanging in on hand, his eyes curious but his expression relatively blank.

Now that Leo had opened the door, Raph didn't retreat back into his room to collect another box of junk. Instead he moved to pick up the first one he had deposited and with it secure against his chest he turned to face Leo, wearing little more than an aggressive smirk. "And yo've got the bigger room."

Still surprised, Leo stepped aside in no mood to start a fight with Raphael. His eyes caught his alarm clock (one of the few things to escape his temper) **10.37am**, no wonder he wasn't on edge. He'd overslept. "I know." he told him almost automatically, his tone still on the right side of bemusement.

Leonardo's bed was subjected to Raph's contents whilst the boy himself reached across to grab the pillow and study it. After a moment he tossed it at Leo, before upending his bits and pieces. "I'm takin' th' room." he pointed out after a moment of silence on Leo's part. There was no expectation of an easy swoop on Raph's part but it was to his credence that they didn't go straight to war, instead he settled with a "Yo' can keep th' pillow. It's covered in spit."

Clinging to the pillow, Leonardo settled to wrap his arms around the soft cushion and he shot back with a surprise and a parry. "Okay. But I think you'll find you're takin' your bed. I don't want one that squeaks."

Raphael was in the process of loading Leo's books and Buddha into the box he had emptied out, faltering he glanced back, seeing a set face he put the statue down and smirked. "Fine, but I'm keepin' this wardrobe."

"Alright then."

"Al'aight then." Looking at the statue he put it back on the top of the bookshelf, "An' yo can pack yo' own shit." Exiting the room he disappeared back into his own domain to finish emptying it out so they could complete the swap.


End file.
